


Madness

by HotTopic97



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dark, Dooku is okay, Foreshadowing, Gen, I Admit It, I'm horrible, Insanity, Palps can go suck a dick, Palps is an exception, Slow Build, Snips and Skyguy are my dream team, all of the characters need a hug, bear with me on this, but he's a dick here too, especially Ani, get it right, lots of foreshadowing, not darth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-10-25 05:23:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10757601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotTopic97/pseuds/HotTopic97
Summary: (Set after The Wrong Jedi)When she left the Jedi Order, she left him as well. She also turned him into a shell of a man with a shattered heart--the pieces of it still throbbing. He's already on the edge of insanity, so very close to madness. And no one can save him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My name is Michele and I'm an addict!! *Hi,Michele!!* Dad should never have raised me on Black Sabbath!!! XD
> 
> But hey my dudes wassup I'm HotTopic97 thank you so much for tuning in to this special story of mine. It's my first story EVER!! And it's DEPRESSING AF!! I hope you enjoy it tho and you can shed a few tears w/ me here. ;)
> 
> That's all I gotta say my brain is FRIED rn. Long day at school.
> 
> This story can also be found on Wattpad,under the same name HotTopic97. 
> 
> ENJOY MY SHIT!! XD

He can no longer see her walking down the Jedi Temple's marble steps. He can no longer see her tangerine skin, her white facial markings, her sky blue eyes...all her features are out of his view.

He feels numb. His apprentice just left him, and she is no longer his apprentice. He doesn't know why he doesn't feel anything. He felt so much pain before, now that she's really gone, he just feels...nothing. Nothing.

* * *

_"I understand wanting to walk away from the Order", he says to her, his voice breaking at the word "away". His voice is already thick with pain, and an aching lump has formed and clogs his throat._

_All he can think of is, Please don't leave, Snips. I can't go on in life without you by my side. I need you...I love you. You're the daughter I never had. You're my little sister. You're the only thing that keeps me going in this war._

_He wants to say those things. But he can't._

_"I know", he hears her say._

_Immediately, his eyes widen in shock. It isn't the response he expects._

_A hundred thousand thoughts race through his mind. What does she mean by that? Does she mean that he doesn't want to fight in the war anymore, being a Jedi General and everything? Does she mean by the fact that the Jedi Council getting on his every last nerve about being reckless, impulsive, passionate, and attached? Plus the fact that they didn't believe him when he tried to prove them wrong, much less her? Then, he is beyond shocked._

_Does she know about him and Padmé? About how bad he wants to leave to spend every second with her?_

_He turns his head just in time to see Ahsoka sadly turn her head forward towards the sunset. She takes one step. Then another. Then another._

_She's really doing it. Leaving him. Leaving his side. Leaving her whole life behind._

_Then he feels sorrow. But it's not his. It's hers. It's intense, like blaster fire coming in every direction with one target in mind:his Snips._

_But as soon as she walks down those steps, the sorrow is as intense as Coruscant blowing up, and nothing being left of it but bits and pieces reminding people of other worlds what Coruscant was:a planet full of life and vibrant energy. Like the citizens of Coruscant were._

_Like he was. Like Ahsoka was._

_Before it all came crashing down._

_Before both of their souls were shattered._

_Before sadness being all they know now._

* * *

A loud, trembling gasp escapes his throat without him knowing. Also, he's staring at his real hand now. No, he's staring at what's  **in** his hand.

It's her Padawan braid. The string of gold silka beads that made up her Padawan braid is in his hand. It's all he has of her. 

Streams of something cold and wet make their way down his cheeks, and to his lower jaw. A sudden, unsuppressed sob jumps out of him as he remembers vividly when he witnessed the same Padawan braid being ripped off her headdress.

* * *

_"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!", he screams, his hands turning into fists, his arms raised, as if ready for a fistfight. Two Temple Guards on either side of him ignite their sabers in defense, in case he does start to get violent, which he really wants to._

_Ahsoka's platform lowers, her head hanging. He can't tell what her expression is, since her back is to him,but he doesn't need to see her face to know the look on her face holds misery and abandonment, which is what he can sense through their bond._

_Master Ki-Adi-Mundi's denouncing words ring through the chamber: "Your Padawan status will be stripped from you. And you shall forfeit all rank and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic."_

_He can only look on as one of the Temple Guards goes toward Ahsoka. He's frozen in place, unable to help anyone._

_No. **NO!!!! What are you doing?! Get away from her! Don't touch her!!!,** he mentally_  _shrieks._

_A sick feeling in his stomach gives him the idea of what he's going to do._

_"You will be turned over to the Republic courts to await your trial", Master Mundi continues, "and whatever punishment they will set for you."_

_The Temple Guard grasps Ahsoka's braid, and rips it harshly from her head. She flinches, and goes back into stillness._

_"Henceforth, you are banned from the Jedi Order."_

* * *

Anger wells up in his heart at the memory. If he has to be irate with one particular group of people for scarring his ex-apprentice and causing her departure, it has to be the Council. But at least he proved her innocence by catching the real culprit, Barriss Offee. He can't believe a humble girl like Ahsoka's best friend would cause such monstrous atrocities. Even if her opinion on the Order is correct, it doesn't even come close to excusing her crimes. 

He looks at the Padawan braid again. He tries to fight back another memory, one much more painful, but his mind leads him to it anyway, no matter how hard he tries to resist.

* * *

_They are standing in the Council Chamber, all of them wearing faces of regret. All of them, except Ahsoka, who wears a traumatized expression. She basically looks like a wounded puppy who has been beaten just too many times for it to handle._

_She looks like she wants to cry._

_"_ _Ahsoka...", he tells her gently, ever so gently to the broken girl in front of him, "...I am so sorry. About everything."_

_And he means it. He never wanted this traumatic experience to occur in her life. It was never supposed to happen. And he can't help but to think all of this is somehow his fault. That he could've tried harder to protect her from the inevitable. That he could've caught Barriss and none of this would've happened. Or maybe, just maybe, he could've prevented Ahsoka from visiting Letta Turmond and stopping the unimaginable before it even started. Then Ahsoka would never have been accused, never would've been on the run, never would have to prove her innocence, and never would have been put on trial for crimes she didn't commit._

_"You have our most humble apologies, Little 'Soka", Master Plo Koon sorrowfully says, using his affectionate nickname for her. "The Council was wrong to accuse you."_

_The Jedi Master has known her most of her life. That and the fact that he went along with the Council's decision to expel her and hand her over to the Senate to be executed, most likely, makes him disgusted, despite the fact that he helped him find her and bring her back._

_"You have shown such great strength and resilience in your struggle to prove your innocence", Master Saesee Tiin says to her, no regret in his voice, nor his Force essence at all. However, there are traces of somberness in both._

_Ahsoka has turned to face Master Tiin's direction, her scarred expression having vanished, and replaced with a distrustful one._

_"This is the true sign of a Jedi Knight", Master Ki-Adi-Mundi adds._

_A true sign of a Jedi Knight, huh?_

_"This was actually your great trial", Master Mace Windu says. "Now we see that. We understand that the Force works in mysterious ways."_

_He turns to look at her. Her arms are crossed over her chest, a confused expression on her face now._

_He feels the same way she does right now._

_"And because of this trial", Master Windu continues, "you have become a greater Jedi than you would have otherwise." He finishes, a sort of smug grin planted on his lips._

_Anakin Skywalker wants nothing more than to burst out laughing right now. He wants nothing more than to give the Council, especially Windu, a piece of his mind. To knock some common sense into each and every one of them._

_They think all of this, all the trauma, all the betrayal, every painstaking thing that happened to her, was some sort of big TRIAL?! Something to show she was Jedi Knight material?! Is this what they really think of her whole ordeal?!_

_Ahsoka's expression is unreadable. He doesn't know if it's one of disgust, which is what he certainly feels right now, or whatever expression of emotion it is. But he doesn't want to focus on that right now._

_"Back into the Order, you may come", Grand Master Yoda croaks in his humble-backwards speak._

_Anakin can see something in the small green alien that he often doesn't see:hope. Does he hope that she'll come back?_

_Well, probably. Yoda has always had a fondness for children, particularly younglings. He recalls that Ahsoka loves teaching younglings as well. She couldn't stop talking about those six younglings from the Gathering trip and how proud of them she was, especially since they saved her from captivity._

_He advances towards his apprentice with a small smile of comfort on his face. "They're asking you back, Ahsoka", he says to her. Then he outstretches his hand to her,her Padawan braid draped over it. If she doesn't believe that they really want her back because they are truly sorry for their faults to her, if she believes that she's only being asked back to still be a fighter in this bloody war, that nothing will ever really change after this, she will know that one person has been on her side from the very beginning. One person truly wants her back, and will never let her go._

_" **I'm** asking you back."_

_She's begun to exchange glances between him and the Padawan braid, uncertainty in her eyes. She examines the braid for a moment, receiving a playful smirk from him._

_C'mon, Snips, he says inside the walls of his mind. Take the braid. You deserve it, as you deserve to be back at my side._

_And then he sees her right hand make contact with the bottom of his prosthetic right hand holding the braid, and she uses her left hand to curl his fingers into his palm._

_And then he sees her eyes. They're filled with unshed tears, full of pain and misery and...regret?_

_He can only widen his eyes and stare as his apprentice rips his heart out._

_"I'm sorry, Master", Ahsoka tells him, voice cracking. "But I'm not coming back."_

_He can only watch as she walks out of the Council Chamber, the doors sliding open and sliding closed as she exits at a slow but steady pace._

_He recovers from his heartfelt shock, and just stares at the closed fist around her beaded braid. The braid she just refused. The Order she just refused.  
_

_Him she refused._

_And his heart shatters._

_He looks up, wide eyed. He slowly shakes his head, only one word, softly but powerfully silencing his screaming mind._

_No..._

_He finds his legs slowly taking him towards the doors, and in a short moment, they break into a frantic run._

_He runs out at maximum speed, desperately trying to catch up to his Padawan, and beg her to reconsider._

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_He runs through the endless halls, her name being screamed, regardless of the very few Knights and younglings passing by some of the halls, regardless of the amount of effort it takes to run and breathe at the same time, emotion choking him as every step she takes is away from him._

_At one point, he trips over himself, his emotions so horrible. But he manages to pick himself up, ignoring the stinging of the new scrapes on his knees and elbows._

_He's even farther from her now. She's always been a fast walker. But they both know she wants to be out of this place as soon as possible._

_They reach the entrance of the Temple, Ahsoka edging away from the large pillars on either side of her way to escape._

_"Ahsoka, wait!", Anakin pleads, voice breathless, but clear enough to be heard._

_She pretends she doesn't hear him. She slightly shakes her head and continues walking._

_"AHSOKA! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!", Anakin screams, as loud as is possible with a hardening lump in his windpipe._

_She finally stops, at the middle of the platform between the entrance and the thousands of steps with golden statues on either side of them every hundred steps._

_Only when he stops only feet away from her does she turn around, yet she keeps her head down, facing the marble ground and her dark red boots._

_Little does she know he can see her leaking eyes._

_"Why...are you...doing...this?", he pants, hurt laced with his breathlessness._

_Tears stream endlessly down her face._

_"The Council didn't trust me!", Ahsoka exclaims, outright malice in her words._

_And he knows her well enough to know that there's annoyance in her voice as well, as if he asked the stupidest question ever._

_And he supposes he did ask a stupid question._

_She crosses her arms, and says the next words with bitterness, looking away. "So how can I trust myself?"_

_She has no idea how much those words tear into his own soul._

_Fresh tears brew in his eyes. He just now realizes that getting her to reconsider her heartbreaking decision won't be easy. Her ordeal was more emotionally_ _traumatizing than he thought._

_He is such a horrible Master. He never should've had her suffer through this._

_"What about me? I believed in you, I stood **by you!** ", he barks. He got her proven innocent, and it took some of the most grueling work in his life to do so, and she's giving all this up._

_That's only a small percentage of what makes up his anger. They both know the majority of it isn't directed at her. Not at all._

_"I know you believe in me, Anakin", she says sadly. "And I'm grateful for that. But this isn't about you. I can't stay here **any longer.** Not now..."_

_Crushing his heart even more so. He had no idea words could hurt until now. He never in his life wanted those words to be said._

_"The Jedi Order is your **life** ", Anakin states. He doesn't just mean it in a commitment sort of way. It's the only life she's ever known. She never knew her family. Her biological family. She considered her Master her family, her everything._

_And here she is, right about to leave him. Hurt him. Kick him to the curb and spit on him and leave him as if he means **nothing** to her._

_"You can't just **throw** it away like this!!", he pleads, throwing his arm out to the entrance to prove his point, and choking on the lump in his throat that absolutely refuses to go away and let him  **breathe.**_

_She doesn't look at him. She only shakes her head._

_"Ahsoka, you are making a **mistake!** ", he cries, willing her to hear him._

_If only she could understand how much she means to him. How much he cares. How much he loves her..._

_He assumes he's not going to get a response. He looks down at his boots, trying to think of some words that will get through to her._

_"Maybe...", a somber voice says._

_His eyes shoot up. She finally said something. But again, not what he wants to hear._

_She's looking at him now, eyes bloodshot, holding a glassy, forlorn look._

_"But I have to sort this out on my own", she adds. "Without the Council..." Her eyes tear up again, her lips begin quivering, and she turns away, so he can't see her face._

_"...and without you", she adds, releasing a half-suppressed sob._

_And then, small, soundless waterfalls cascade down his face, his breath hitching, and silent sobs overtake him._

_He slightly gains his composure, turns to the side, and tells her what he's felt so many times._

_"I understand... **more** than you realize", he says._

_And he does. He's felt this way so many times before. And she needs to know this. So she can understand._

_"I understand wanting to walk away from the Order", he says to her, his voice breaking at the word "away"._

_And he doesn't even have the stability to say what he really wants to tell her. He wants to get on his knees and beg her to stay with him. It sounds pathetic, but he doesn't care._

_But unconsciously, he stays put and sobs/pleads the words in his head, knowing she'll probably hear the words anyway._

_PLEASE, SNIPS!!, he mentally bawls, picturing himself falling to his knees, overracked with heaving cries._

_I can't go on in life without you._

_And it's true. She's one of the most important people in his life. He loves her and words can't put how much he does._

_I need you...I love you. You're the daughter I never had. You're my little sister. I love your smile, your undying happiness, your determination, everything. I love your snippy attitude, and the banter we have. I love the moments we share. I don't want to live my life without you. You mean so, so much to me. I love you. I believe in you. I'd die to keep you safe. You are the light I fight for in this war. You are my world..._

_"I know", he hears her say._

_Immediately, his eyes widen. It isn't the answer he expects._

_What does she mean by that? Does she mean that he doesn't want to fight in the war anymore,being a Jedi General and everything? Does she mean how the Council gets on his every last nerve about being reckless, impulsive, passionate, and being attached? Then, he is beyond shocked._

_Does she know about him and Padmé? Does she know how badly he wants to leave his Jedi life behind so he can spend every second with her? Does she know that they are one?_

_He shouldn't be that surprised. Even he has to admit, he and his wife were never great with subtlety._

_He turns his head, just in time to see her head turn towards the sunset--she must have been facing him when she said it, if not slightly, and takes a step. Then another. Then another._

_She's really doing it. She's walking away from the only life she's ever known. Leaving her family behind. Leaving him,the one person who really, truly, loves her. Leaving them in the worthless dust._

_Then he feels sorrow. And it's not his. It's hers. It's intense, like blaster fire coming in every direction with one target:his Snips. His precious little Snips._

_As soon as she walks down those steps, the sorrow is more like Coruscant is crumbling underneath their feet. It's the feeling of losing everything, including one's own life, seconds before their home is blown to bits._

_And now he feels nothing._

_Numb._

_The emotion, everything, just vanishes._

_He can no longer see her petite frame walking down those steps. He can no longer see her tangerine skin, her white facial markings, her sky blue eyes, her dark red field tunic, gloves, boots, belts, black leggings, her white and gray striped montrals and lekku, her headdress...he can no longer see her._

_The shiny, inexperienced youngling he met two years ago on Christophsis is gone. The eager student with enthusiasm is gone. The girl who could handle anything is gone._

_Ahsoka Tano, his Padawan, his Snips, his guard on the battlefield, his assistant in his mechanical endeavors, his best friend, his daughter, his little sister...is gone._

_And he is already so lost without her._

* * *

Moonlight burns on the marble ground outside the entrance of the Jedi Temple, giving off an almost reflective glow.

He's been thinking about the last time he'll ever see her again. He's been replaying it over and over in his head. And his eyes never left the braid, the only physical thing he has left of her, despite being focused on something totally different.

He feels nothing again. He felt a little before, but now he's been sucked back into the vortex of numbness.

He's surprised him flashing back repeatedly has got him standing under moonlight. He can faintly see bright neon lights flare up,welcoming late-night partygoers, drunkards, drugees, or people just doing normal stuff.

Like they used to do...

He remembers all the times they went out into the city, whether it be eating out, or searching for parts, or just driving around having laughs.

The memories feel distant. Like old memories from a million years ago.

Why doesn't he feel anything? Why is he so emotionless?

For a millisecond, he feels how a normal Jedi should be. Humble. Responsible. Cooperative. Like the Council wants him to be like. _The Council..._

The  **Council...**

 _"The Council didn't trust me! So how can I trust myself?",_ Ahsoka's bitter words echo in the hollow walls of his mind.

He finally feels an emotion. He's out of the numbness.

Livid.

That's how he feels. Livid.

His face feels like lava, his fists trembling in rage.

This is all the Council's fault. If they had trusted her, stood by her, and believed in her like he did...

He storms into the Temple, pace quick. He storms down some of the same halls he chased her down. He shoots curious passing Jedi a death glare. His burning blue irises are enough to tell anybody that he's capable of killing them if he wishes to.

He storms into his and Ahsoka's-- _his_ \--quarters, and just loses it. He throws things. Parts of droids are broken and hurled across his room. Clothes and cloaks are torn from the closet, and hurled to the floor.

He messes up his bed, overturning his blankets, sheets, and pillow. His rage fuels him even more. The messy overturning of his room is not enough.

He lets out the shriek of a madman, ignites his lightsaber, and slices the blinds in two, shattering his window as well. Glass flies in all directions, seemingly angering him more.

He lets out another shriek, and slashes the walls around him with his sapphire blade. He makes fiery X's, he makes incoherent, nonsensical slashes. He stabs holes in the walls, brings his lightsaber to the ground. He tears his podracer poster down with his bare hands, leaving scraps of flimsy paper reminding him of his past. He throws his figurines down on the floor, shattering them. He shatters them more with his lightsaber.

He starts making slashes on his floor. His slashes his door. But the slash isn't enough to destroy the door. But it's damaged, like his floor. Like the walls. Like his entire room.

_Like his soul._

The entire time he's been making a mess of his room, he hasn't stopped screaming. They become ear-piercingly louder when he hurls his still-activated lightsaber at the wall. It his the wall near his bedroom door on target, and slides down, making a clean slice.

And this is when he truly shatters.

He pulls at his long, wavy hair, and falls to his trembling knees. His vision is  _very_ blurry with heavy tears, which fall endlessly down his cheeks. He doesn't wipe them away, nor does he even try to quiet his loud, wailing sobs, because, _let's_ _face it. I'm a mess. I'm a failure. I'm a horrible person who failed his own apprentice miserably._

His head touches the cool, durasteel floor, just above his knees. He berates himself over and over, bangs his head against the slashed-up floor, mentally apologizes to Ahsoka, the girl he so badly failed, since he can't say it aloud.

He really is shattered. He really is nothing more than a shell of a man.

He isn't worthy. Not even close. He wants nothing more than to live in isolation and die alone. That's what he deserves. For being a failure. He couldn't even prevent Ahsoka from leaving. Just like he couldn't prevent his mother from dying in his arms.

He fails to save the ones he loves. He fails to keep the ones he loves by his side.

They hate him. Civilians hate him. The galaxy hates him.

He hates himself.

Rage gathers his shattered heart again. He picks himself up off the ground, and races to the refresher.

He turns on the bright light, and squints his eyes. He goes to and leans on the sink, his hands on either side. He looks at the mirror. He sees himself, a sad, lonely, pathetic human being. A failure.

He sees the tears still streaming down from his glassy blue eyes, leaving streams of a darker shade of skin on his cheeks. Some tears have traveled down to his jaw, and his neck.

His hair is messed up, obviously from pulling on it. His form is shaking with sorrow, brokenness. They can't go away. They'll never leave him alone.

His already erratic gasps quicken when he hears a voice in his head.

_Look at you. Some hero you are. You can't save anyone. You couldn't even stop your own mother from dying._

He lets out an agonized cry. Other times, when he felt down, he'd ignore these voices, keep on, push forward. But for once, he listens, and he has to agree with this voice.

_It's why she left you._

Huh?

_She left you. You know why? It's not just because of the Council not trusting her. No, it's also because of you not helping her._

No. That--that can't be true,can it?

_Yes,it's very true. She left **you** because you  **failed** her. You didn't help her.  **You** didn't find the culprit sooner.  **You** didn't spare her the pain.  **You are a horrible person.**_

In a matter of seconds, sadness is possessed with rage once again. He shrieks, clenches his real hand, and punches the mirror.

Glass shards break and fall onto the counter, into the sink. Some fly onto the white-tiled floor. The punch he gave to the mirror is powerful.

A scream of pain escapes his lips. A gash has appeared on his gloved left hand. Little shards of glass stick out of it, blood seeping out onto the glove.

He takes out two larger, jagged shards out, screaming in pain, and then digging his fingertips into the cut, scarlet liquid gushing out. He deserves this physical pain. For all the pain he caused her. The wound can get infected and he can die for all he cares. He doesn't deserve life for failing. He promised his mom he wouldn't fail at losing anyone ever again;what did he do? Fail.

Failure. That's all he ever was, is, and will be.

He glances at the mirror. A large hole is in the middle of it, where he punched it. The sides of it are cracked. He looks in the cracked side closest to the door. A shattered, hollow body is staring right back at him.

"You're nothing", the man rasps. " _Nothing._ You mean  _nothing_."

And Anakin agrees.

He turns the light off and shakily walks over to a scattered pile of clothes near the head of his bed. For a second,Anakin doesn't remember trashing his room. Or his lightsaber being activated on the floor, a slash made by it near the door.

And everywhere else on the walls and the floor.

He slumps down to the floor and curls into a ball on the pile of clothes and cloaks on the floor.

He's so useless, so vulnerable, so weak he can't and doesn't deserve to stand on his own two feet. Well,at least no one's here to see his room is a mess because he's a mess,and  _it just isn't fair she left me, I miss her so much, and oh, Ahsoka, why????_

He wishes so bad that Ahsoka will come into his room, hug him, call him Skyguy, tell him she's sorry she left and she didn't mean what she said and she'll never leave him alone again. He even wants her to yell at him for hurting himself over her. This is how bad he misses her.

But he knows that'll never happen.

He silently cries, clothes becoming damp with his tears and blood. He stops crying. He starts again.

He stares at the door for what seems like forever, a small, hopeful part of him somehow still hoping that she  _will_ come back.

The voice silences that hope.

_You're a failure._

_You failed her._

_You mean nothing to her anymore now._

_You mean nothing._

_You are nothing._

_Nothing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys,you have NO IDEA how much puns I made out of this chapter XD. I seriously need medical help for this. I can't list all of them,so here's just a few:
> 
> Numb. 
> 
> IVE BECOME SO NUMB I CANT FEEL YOU THERE--
> 
> Moonlight burns...
> 
> Moonlight on the soft brown earth it leads me to where you lay/They took you away from me,but now I'm taking you home...
> 
> Nothing.
> 
> I WANTED WORDS BUT ALL I HEARD WAS NOTHING!!!
> 
> "Why...are you...doing...this?",he pants.
> 
> Ok,1. I just decided to phrase it like this to make the chase for Ahsoka more realistic, and 2. I actually decided to make it a Batman:The Killing Joke reference. You know when Barbara Gordon/Batgirl just gets shot by the Joker and he's about to take her shirt off? It was phrased just like the above! :D
> 
> I wanted SO BAD to put something along the lines of "She turns around, a grin too wide and chilling crosses her face. And her response is even more frightening. "To prove a point. Here's to crime."
> 
> BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Poor Barbara tho. But HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
> 
> But Ahsoka did leave the Order to prove a point if you really think about it. The Jedi Order is so corrupt, wanting to suck up to the Senate just to keep a good public image and they didn't trust their own. I mean, the evidence against her was almost foolproof, if I'm being honest, but like, couldn't they all just SENSE that she was telling the truth?! I mean,really!
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading this! Hope you enjoyed! I'll get Ch. 3 up and ready and EDITED ASAP. :D


	3. Chapter 3

He watches as his former apprentice races at lightning speed out of the Council Chamber, desperate to catch up to his departing apprentice. The large sliding doors swoosh open and close as he exits.

He tries to follow Anakin, but a gentle yet firm hand is placed on his shoulder, effectively freezing him midstep. He slightly turns to face the owner of the hand.

The owner is Master Plo Koon. 

His first thought is to rebel at the contact;the reason behind this motive is if he follows Anakin on his quest to get Ahsoka to reconsider her decision, the chances of getting the desired result will increase significantly.

The Force, however, believes otherwise. It has gained the cold, murky, lonely darkness one might find in the depths of a cave, with the addition of whispering voices that sound so lost, yet so affirmative when they say it's all over. Him being there won't change the outcome.

Ahsoka meant it when she said she was not coming back. Anakin chasing after her is a fruitless plight;this is an intimate moment known as their last goodbye.

So, he submits to the gesture with a stricken expression glued to his face. Through the Force, he can feel the Kel Dor's sadness and sympathy.

Just like Anakin, Obi-Wan Kenobi can't believe it. Ahsoka just refused to come back into the Order. She just refused to return as Anakin's Padawan.

And...well...he can't really point the blaming finger at her. She was traumatized pretty terribly by everything that happened to her. He could sense the scarring of her heart...it rolled off of her in tidal waves.

Obi-Wan is close to Ahsoka. He has watched her grow from the shiny, inexperienced youngling he met two years prior on Christophsis to a courageous, mature leader of the Clone War firsthand. As the galaxy-wide conflict progressed, he grew close to the teenage Togruta, in fact, so close that he became an uncle figure of sorts to her. A close confidant. A good friend.

And because of this, a rather determinedly hopeful part of him really believes she will reenter the Council Chamber, Anakin by her side, and happily accept the offer of being reinstated into the Order, despite the Force, in all its harsh reality, believing otherwise.

For several moments, the six Council members just stand there, frozen in place, still, like the golden statues outside of the Temple. He's not sure if the other Masters around him are as dumbstruck as he is, as this is the reason he is practically glued to the marble floor. Nothing is felt through the Force. Not even shock is registered. Not even Master Plo's previous saddened mood is felt. It's like serenity, but a little scarier.

He's pretty sure the other Masters, specifically Plo, have put up mental shields, because he _cannot_ be the only one totally taken aback by all of this.

How can the others not feel anything? They failed her. _He_ failed her. He makes sure to include himself too, since he's a member of the Council as well. They all failed her so horribly it really _is_ unforgivable. Inexcusable.

And now they're paying the price.

Suddenly, he feels a sudden wave of sorrow come over him. It swallows him whole, drowns him. But it's not his emotion.

It belongs to Anakin.

_Oh no..._

"Not coming back, Padawan Tano is", Yoda states, surprisingly depressed in tone of voice and Force essence.

_No..._

All the remaining hope inside him is shattered in an instant.

He feels everything and nothing at the same time. She's gone, and there's nothing he can do about it. It's unfixable.

The stars have really gone out.

Sadness and apathy have both claimed his sinking heart. They battle for dominance over the soft, fragile sac of muscle. He'd root for apathy if the fight wasn't so painful and draining of the simple ability to care.

A few tears well in his eyes, and a hard knot has made refuge in his throat. His stomach begins to feel funny, and the reality hits him hard.

Ahsoka Tano is not coming back.

He's hurt by this, but his hurt is going to be  _nothing_ like Anakin's. Anakin knew her better. He was her Master;he trained her. Teased her. Loved her dearly. Kept her close to his heart of gold. She was like his daughter, and him like her father, as is the case with almost every Master/Padawan relationship, but in the time that Obi-Wan was acquainted with her, he swears they were more like an older brother and younger sister. They sure argued like a pair of typical siblings. They loved each other like they were actual brother and sister. 

He remembers when Anakin cringed at just the _thought_ of teaching a Padawan. That was when he just entered Knighthood and was _way_ too high-headed. 

 _"A Padawan would just slow me down"_ , was what he had said two years prior on the Christophsis battleground.

In truth, Ahsoka did slow him down, though in a good way. When she was in the picture, Anakin had someone to look out for. He learned by her just being there by his side that he would have to be less careless about his safety, especially when she was tagging along. 

Also while she was under his wing, she taught him to have patience, being the more level-headed one out of the pair. She taught him to be more wise with decisions. She had done her work into making him an excellent mentor, like he said Anakin would be.

And she helped him grow. Not just as a Jedi, but also as a person.

Of course, being the Padawan, Ahsoka learned from Anakin as well. He taught her to be loyal to  _people_ , not to principles. He taught her to follow her heart, not the Code, which he claimed was just a bunch of "guidelines" to teach a typical Jedi how to respond to situations that really didn't need to be listened to.

Being a Council member, and a Jedi that _tries_ to follow the Code to the best of his ability, naturally, he disagreed with that particular lesson. And that was early on in Ahsoka's training. If he's honest with himself, he had the fiery urge to ask the Council to reassign Ahsoka to him so she could receive proper training in the way of the Jedi. He had thought that he was wrong in judgment by suggesting to the Council that Anakin be given a Padawan in the first place. He sometimes worried that she was going to get killed in the midst of his overconfident recklessness.

But he realized soon enough that Anakin's teaching methods had molded her into a great Jedi, a Jedi he has become so proud of.

And now she has left the Order...

He's worried about Anakin. He can't feel any emotion coming from his side of their bond. He tries to connect with him, but he can't pick up anything from him.

He must have his mental shields up. Yes, that's it. He's hiding his true feelings from him. Nothing new.

That doesn't make the situation any less worrying, though.

At the corner of his eye, he sees Yoda hobbling to his seat at a solemn pace. When he finally reaches it, he hears the wise Jedi tap his gimer stick on the ground. A sign that he wants the others to take their seats.

They do.

* * *

_"The Senate requests that Ahsoka Tano be indicted for acts of treason against the Republic", the holographic form of Admiral Tarkin states._

_The Admiral had contacted the Council a short while ago regarding Ahsoka, coming on behalf of the Senate now that she is in Jedi_ _custody. He had claimed that the transmission will have to be short;he has a meeting with the Chancellor to attend to._

_"A fair trial, Padawan Tano will have", Yoda replies, "in accordance with Jedi tradition."_

_"Ah yes...Jedi tradition", Tarkin muses, looking pensive, yet sophisticated, as always._

_But Obi-Wan already knows that the eloquence in his look is fake. An act. He doesn't need the Force to know this. It's practically shouted at right in front of his face._

_"I'm afraid, Master Yoda, that the Senate believes than an internal Jedi trial would seem...biased", the Admiral says._

_What exactly is the Admiral getting at?, he thinks. Like him, he can sense the others around him are just as puzzled._

_"Therefore", Tarkin continues, "the Senate asks that the Council **expel** Ahsoka Tano from the Jedi Order, so that she may be put to a Republic military tribunal, where she will receive more...impartial judgment."_

_He's never really cared for Admiral Tarkin. When he, Anakin, **and Ahsoka for that matter,** rescued him from the Citadel on Lola Sayu, he gained the impression that the then-Captain was stuck-up, arrogant, and manipulative. His frequent discussions with Anakin, whom he gained a fascination of sorts with, were definitive proof of those negative traits._

_And those traits have definitely worsened over time--especially now._

_"And who would represent Ahsoka in this tribunal, Admiral?", he asks, allowing a hint of both impatience and annoyance to tint his voice._

_"That would be up to the Council, General", Tarkin replies, downright mocking his tone. "But I would recommend someone outside the Order."_

_Of course he would. Tarkin knows that he and a few other Jedi, specifically Anakin, care for her. Although the majority of the Jedi Order believe that she is the prime suspect of the bombing, if a Jedi was to represent Ahsoka, that would cause the Senate to assume that the entire Order is on Ahsoka's side, which would cause most unwanted turmoil, further strain the relationship between the Jedi Order and the Galactic Senate, and cause the Senate and general public to think even less of the Jedi. (As if the general opinion of the Jedi wasn't terrible enough.)_

_While Ahsoka did have a few friends outside of the Republic, they were probably either off world, or they are among the majority that believe she is responsible for the Jedi Temple bombing, the murder of a certain prisoner, and the deaths and attacks of clone troopers. It would be very hard to find someone from the Senate who would even **want** to represent someone with so much evidence against her, not to mention the fact that that someone is a Jedi, whom they, and the general public believe, are fanatic, dogmatic war-mongers._

_That means he doesn't have to get started with the general public._

_"Of course", he says, willing Tarkin to hear his sarcasm._

_"The Council will act as they deem necessary", Mace Windu states, stern. "Thank you, Admiral."_

_The Admiral bows, and his blue holographic form dissipates._

_He can barely wrap his mind around Tarkin even suggesting expelling her. As if being on the run from her own kin and the GAR wasn't painful enough. Of course, a trial would be held anyway for her, and she would be found guilty and have her ranks and privileges revoked from her, but expulsion?! Being willingly handed over to the Senate to stand trial and be punished by them?! How dare Tarkin! How dare he come before the Council, before **him,** and suggest expulsion! How dare the Senate want her to stand trial before them, and, most likely, face execution! She is only sixteen,  **sixteen!** She may be thrown into a war zone, where children should never learn such terrible things, but she is on their side. She would never do harm to anyone innocent, especially those on her side. _

_He is aware that clone troopers and civilians were murdered in that explosion, but really, this is something that should be dealt with by the Jedi. This is a highly personal matter, and the Senate has dug themselves far too deep into privacy. They can't seem to respect that even though they are not-so-friendly allies in a galaxy-wide conflict, the Jedi should take charge with one of their own._

_Especially if one of their own has done nothing wrong._

_"Surely we cannot do what Tarkin suggests", Obi-Wan tells them. "We need to stand together with Ahsoka."_

_And by saying this, he allows them all to see his...attachment...to her. He allows them to see the main reason why he disagrees with the idea of a tribunal._

_It's like he's begging them not to take the path of it._

_"And yet there is evidence that she is indeed the mastermind behind the attack on the Temple", Ki-Adi-Mundi replies._

_He forces impatience down his throat. The only talk about Ahsoka is that she is responsible for the Temple bombing, and it is infuriatingly ridiculous. It seems that all talk of the mysterious death of Letta Turmond and the assault and murder of clone troopers vanished into thin air when it was announced that with the evidence put together, it was safe to confirm that she was behind the Jedi Temple bombing.  
_

_Ahsoka has given her life to saving and helping others. It doesn't make sense why she would suddenly want to end lives._

_"She was found in possession of nanodroid explosives", Saesee Tiin muses. "This alone is enough to convict her."_

_Is it now?...Oh, yes. That was strange. What was she doing near nanodroids anyway?_

_She was on the run to prove her innocence to the Republic. So she would be looking for evidence to prove her innocence. And the nanodroids she was found with must have been possible evidence._

_But the only person who knows the answer to that question is Ahsoka herself, and he hopes that the answer to it is anything but being the prime suspect._

_No. **No.** She's not the one they've all been looking for. She's the wrong Jedi, she is innocent!_

_"I understand your sentiment, Obi-Wan", Mace says, voice low. "But, if the Council does as you suggest, it could be seen as an act of opposition to the Senate." He sighs tiredly, then adds, "I'm afraid we have little choice."_

_Really? Little choice? He seemed perfectly capable of defying Tarkin, the Chancellor, and the entire Senate body without fear. Was it just all a defense mechanism, an act? Is it true that the great Mace Windu, a fearless, stoic, stern, righteous Jedi Master is afraid of what a few Senators have to say about defiance, something he and the others on the Council seem completely capable of acting out of?_

_He forces that thought out of his mind, knowing they're open to everyone else in the Chamber. (A rather unfriendly look from Saesee is enough to say so.) He realizes the reasons why the Jedi must side with the Senate, and it's not to keep a good reputation for them. It's that they are at war. The Galactic Senate and the Jedi Order together make up the nucleus of the Galactic Republic, and it is their duty to serve the Republic as a whole, to protect and defend those who are powerless to fend for themselves. It is their duty to serve the people, even if what they may believe is the wrong belief._

_If Ahsoka Tano is to be expelled and put through this military tribunal at the Senate's request--for the people--so be it._

_Yoda hmms thoughtfully. "To the Chamber of Judgment, summon Skywalker and his Padawan, and it our decision, may the Force guide us."_

_Oh, who is he fooling? Ahsoka Tano going to be expelled from the Jedi Order and tried by the Senate isn't the right choice, and he knows it._

_This is his **friend** that's losing everything she rightfully achieved. This is his  **friend** who is being handed over to another organization that is completely mistaken in their judgment. This is his  **friend** who is going to be turned away and left behind and condemned for no reason. This is his  **friend** who is being wronged._

_He's let her down. They've all let her down._

_All he can think of is how horrible this will be for her to endure. She's only sixteen. She's suffered enough from all of this._

_He just hopes she won't be tried too harshly, even though he knows for a fact that Admiral Tarkin is one to keep his word by the letter._

* * *

 

He feels something. It's very faint, but it's there for him to sense. He only knows one person who's feeling it, and what he's feeling.

Sorrow. From his former apprentice.

Anakin's mental shields must be crumbling. It's the only logical explanation as to why he can sense this through their bond.

Then it is immediately swallowed whole.

Well, that doesn't make any sense. Anakin may be a frequent user of mental shielding, but if he is in a vulnerable position, he either doesn't even bother putting them up, or the attempts to put them up and keep them up range from half to maximum shielding, then, ultimately, they collapse, leaving his emotions and/or location open for someone like him to pick up on.

"What are we to do now, Master?", Plo asks. His tone is almost that of a frightened child's. He is so completely devoid of all hope that he's desperate for his colleagues of the Jedi High Council to feed it to him.

It's sad, really. It's sad that his friend believes all to be lost. What's more sad is that Plo is wanting hope from a group of people who has shattered the hopes and dreams of one of the most loyal, compassionate, brave, and caring people he has ever had the honor of meeting, becoming acquainted with, and eventually becoming close friends with. They shattered the hopes and dreams that Plo opened the window to.

Again, he realizes that he is part of the Council too.

"This Council offered her to be reinstated", Mace muses. "Yet she refused..."

"She let her emotions cloud her judgment", Master Mundi concludes in his unnerving stoicism. "I believe she would have, undoubtedly, reached the rank of Knight had she stayed."

"Her courage, strength, and determination would have been most rewarded indeed", Saesee Tiin agrees. "Had she not let her feelings cloud her better judgment."

"That's a really nice way to say it", he remarks, not even realizing he said the words out loud.

The other five men around him turn their heads to stare at him, all of their shock pulsating through the Force right at him.

Immediately, he regrets the words ever leaving his mouth. He has said something  _way_ out of line, and he has disrespected his colleagues.

 _Trying to live up to Qui-Gon's legacy again, Kenobi?,_ his subconscious reprimands.

Mace is the first one to recover from his registered shock, putting on an expression that is unreadable. "And why is that, Obi-Wan?", he asks, his tone frighteningly calm.

He tries to think of an apology quickly. All eyes are on him, and he doesn't like it. It's not the first time something like this has happened, but that doesn't make it any less humiliating to go through. 

He's got to apologize, what he said was out of line and disrespectful. And it won't change anything or make the situation any better.

He thinks he's got something ready. He's got an apology all planned out. So he starts to say it.

Or...he  _thinks_ he starts to say it.

"We failed her", he finds himself saying instead. "We  _all_ failed her.  _Abandoned_ her, even. And because of this, a promising Jedi has left the Order."

"There was enough evidence to prove her guilty", Mace counters. "She was found in possession of nanodroid explosives, making it believable for her to be the prime suspect of the bombing. It looked like all the pieces of the puzzle were together."

That's a good point. The evidence against Ahsoka was nearly foolproof. Anyone could've fallen for that cruel trick.

And certainly that was the case with the Jedi.

"But they weren't, were they, Master Windu?", he's shooting back. "No. Instead of actually trying to hear her side of the story, you sent her off to the Senate after turning our backs on her.  _Expelling_ her, even. I don't really blame her for leaving this Order, considering how you handled her situation."

"May I remind you that you are a member of this Council as well, Obi-Wan?", Mace asks, evidently annoyed. "Our final judgment on Former Padawan Tano was incorrect...( _Former...it sounds like the form of new that is, in all ways, hurtful_ ) she was indeed innocent of all charges. But as I have said prior to her even being expelled, you are attached to her. And it's clearly clouding your judgment concerning what was originally deemed necessary."

"So willingly giving her up to the Senate just to keep up a good image was the right choice, then?", he questions, completely ignoring the jab of him being on the Council. "Giving in to the Senate's demands was the right thing to do?"

"What's done is done", Mace says in his characteristic stony tone. "Mistakes were made. I will grant you that. But it was ultimately her choice to leave. A very simple part of the Jedi Code is not letting your emotions cloud your better judgment. This is precisely what Former Padawan Tano has done in her most critical moment."

While this may be true, it doesn't make Mace's words any less gasoline-like, adding fuel to the growing flame burning in his heart.

"Skywalker's teaching may have had a factor in her departure", Ki-Adi adds, suddenly taking interest in the discussion. "She was taught not to follow the Jedi Code, which is instilled in Jedi when they are initiates, and carried the same amount of all his rather...negative traits:recklessness, impulsiveness--"

"Surely you're not going to criticize Anakin, the only one of us who actually stayed by her this entire time as well, are you?", he asks carefully. First they were criticizing Ahsoka for being too emotional while making her final decision, now they're deciding to downgrade Anakin for simply being her Master?!

Ki-Adi stares hard at him. "I never said that, nor have I implied that", he replies. 

"Oh, I believe you  _did_ ", is what he uncharacteristically bites out, drips of venom coating his voice. He knows that this display of frustration is really unnecessary, uncalled for, but, just this once, he decides not to care  _in the slightest_ about it.

Anakin being...well, Anakin...has got the Council's reprimands and voiced disapproval on frequent occasions, including from him. But he kept on being the Jedi that he is, something he sort of feels he's failed himself and his former Padawan for. He still may not approve of some things he does, but there are some things that, over time, he has come to approve, although he will never admit that to anyone.

And him teaching that young woman the ways of the Jedi to the best of his ability is one of those things that are approved of. 

He's defended his former apprentice when he has done wrong in the Council's eyes, and even in his eyes. And even though the younger man is no longer that difficult-to-manage teenager, being his Master, the one who trained him, practically  _raised him_ even, he  _will_ defend him in this case;the fact that he has done no wrong will not change the way he has done this procedure many times.

Albeit the criticizing of him as a person will be thrown back at them somehow. They'll know they've got another thing coming.

"You are allowing your attachment to Former Padawan Tano to cloud your judgment. And apparently, your attitude as well", Mace stresses sharply.

Out of nowhere, a pang of anger coming from Anakin is felt through the Force, hitting Obi-Wan like an iron fist would. He can sense that it is obviously directed at the Council.

He wonders if some of that Council-directed anger is aimed at him as well. He has failed Ahsoka just as these others have failed her. He  _is_ a member of the Council. 

Somehow, unconsciously, he sponges in that emotion, and brings it to the blazing fire growing in form in his heart. It takes the form of gasoline, and turns the orange color to a blinding white.

They weren't going to attack Anakin like that. Not in a million years.

"This Council has _failed_  Ahsoka!", he all but exclaims. "Not only that, this Council has failed _Anakin_! And it's all because of our ignorance and blind loyalty to a  corrupt Senate. No  _wonder_ she left the only life she's ever known! We so horribly failed her, and all you have to say concerning our wrongs is that she was too emotional because of Anakin's teaching?! Is this really how _our_ judgment has become?!"

"ENOUGH!"

A hoarse but loud enough shout is heard and echoes off the marble walls.

Five of the members of the Council turn outright shocked faces to look at the source.

The owner of the irritated cry glances at each and every one of them with an uncharacteristic stern expression, but Obi-Wan can sense harbored humiliation at the sudden outburst inside.

Yoda clears his throat, takes a deep breath, effectively releasing all embarrassment inside and out, and hops off his chair to stand in the middle of the room.

With some unprecedented fear, Obi-Wan resists the impulse to gulp as he braces for an inevitable lecture from the Grand Jedi Master himself.

"Your words, uncalled for they are!", Yoda begins sternly. "Several mistakes, we have made concerning Former Padawan Tano. However, misguided in your judgment, you are. Attached to her, you have become. And thus, clouded, your judgment upon us is. Like Former Padawan Tano's judgment was, yes."

Mace seems to be taking on an expression that seems to say, "You tell him, Master Yoda!"

"If...I may add, Master", Saesee chimes in, "We are at war. We must stand together with the Senate. These times don't have times for internal Jedi affairs anymore. This is the time of the Clone Wars, and the Jedi Order is a key piece in the Galactic Republic. We are united with the Senate for one sole purpose:to end the war against the Confederacy of Independent Systems, and to bring peace to the galaxy."

"And as I have said before", Ki-Adi adds, "there was enough evidence to prove Ahsoka Tano the prime suspect in the Temple bombing, as well as the killer of Letta Turmond, and the person behind the murder and assault of clone troopers."

"With all due respect, Master Mundi", Obi-Wan replies, regaining his patience, "while there was nearly foolproof evidence against Ahsoka, no one, including us, bothered to further examine the evidence before us, didn't we?"

Silence ensues, letting him know he should continue.

"What I'm saying is that there really was no...investigation into the evidence. When someone is accused of doing criminal activity, there needs to be a thorough investigation into the evidence before law enforcement. We were told that the security footage of Letta Turmond being strangled had the sound off, something that is common. But not among Coruscant's prisons."

"What are you saying?", Mace asks.

 _So **now** they wish to listen to what I have to say, _he thinks.  _How redemptive._

"Tarkin told us that the sound in that recording was off,  _curiously_ ", he says. "Meaning someone would have to had messed with the audio for the security cameras. And this obviously was before Ahsoka would even have stepped foot inside the prison. This job obviously couldn't have been done by her. Certainly one would know that if they happened to look at the surveillance footage of that day."

"She could've disguised herself and snuck in without our knowledge", Mace counters. "It is possible for even Jedi to get past heavy security to get desired results. This has been operated by several of us during this conflict."

That only wears his strengthening patience thin. They know that they're wrong, they just won't wholly admit it. They know their faults in this matter. They know what could've been done, how this situation could've been handled. 

And he thought that Anakin was the arrogant one.

"Last time I checked, when Jedi go about interrogating others, they don't go around choking people. And I'm  _very_ sure that Force-choking someone does not look like  _this_." He puts his hands up the way Ahsoka's were in the blasted recording that started everything. 

"There's no _Force_ behind this", he adds. "Not at all."

"That's quite enough, Master Kenobi", Saesee admonishes.

But something inside of him--something that Anakin must've implanted in him, no doubt--or it could just be him trying to live up to Qui-Gon's legacy again, pushes him forward, keeps him going.

"And speaking of interrogation, have you ever stopped to notice the difference between liars and people who are actually telling the truth? Catching someone in a lie is pretty easy, considering that we can...oh, I don't know,  _read the minds of others?_ ", he sneers. "Then there's the fact that liars can make up a convincing story, but then they change details to the story, acting like they're telling the truth when they really aren't. You can  _sense_ their unease, Jedi or not. Those who tell the truth, however, manage to keep a straight and unchanging story in its entirety. And that is precisely what Ahsoka did, yet you couldn't--no, you  _refused,_ to see that. You chose our image over someone's true testimony, one that you could  _sense was indeed **true**_."

"ENOUGH, I SAID!" Another hoarse shout from Yoda bounces off the walls, as well as creating a powerful surge through the Force, one that he and the others have never felt before, as the result is all of them literally being taken aback, sitting up straight in their chairs. 

It makes the vellus hair on the back of his neck stand up straight, too.

"Master Kenobi, expect better out of you, I do", the wise green midget scolds. "Attached to Former Padawan Tano, you have become. See this, we all do. And because of this, clouded your judgment is. Wrong to accuse her, we were. Wrong to allow the Senate to pass judgment on her, we were. But to point out our mistakes, bring her back, this will not. Gone, she already is."

He feels humiliated. Master Yoda is right. This reprimanding of the Council, of which he is a member of, is completely pointless, not to mention childish. It won't bring Ahsoka back, no matter how much every fiber of his being wants that to happen like magic. Him taking out his unbecoming emotions on all of them is completely uncalled for. They don't deserve any of this.

He's too stunned by this truth and too absorbed in his own ruminations that he can't even respond in apology. It's like his vocal cords are paralyzed. All he can do is look down in shame, the heavy feeling settling deep in his chest.

"Master Yoda?", Plo asks in a totally uncharacteristically timid voice, "I believe this entire ordeal has been quite an...escapade, for some of us...if not all of us..."

Yes. Quite the escapade it has been. Especially for Ahsoka, the person it was entirely centered on.

And Anakin.

_Anakin..._

He tries to reach out to him, tries to check on how his former apprentice is doing now.

He must have strengthened his mental shields. He can feel nothing from him. He must have sensed his old Master was trying to pick up on his emotional condition, so he strengthened his slowly deteriorating mental shields to seem completely fine.

When he is the complete and polar opposite.

The result is his rising worry.

He's so caught up in Anakin again that, he assumes, must have caused him to make some sort of noise, because all of the other Masters are staring at him with curious looks on their faces.

_Blast._

"I believe this might be the right thing to do", Saesee states after a prolonged moment of silence, seemingly pretending like that particular moment never happened at all. "This will clear all of our minds, and will heal those of us who have been..." he spares glances at both him and Plo, "...shaken, spiritually."

"And what about young Skywalker?", Plo asks. "Should we summon him to participate?"

Whatever it is that they are planning, he knows that Anakin will not want any part of it whatsoever. This Council has failed him just as much as they have failed his ex-Padawan, and he won't want to see any of their faces...not even his.

But they're just as blind to that as they are to actual remorse, aren't they?

"No", he says rather quickly, unable to stop a hint of impatience to tint his tone of voice. "He won't want to be social, especially as of late. Don't even ask him to attend, he'll most likely ignore the offer."

The other five Masters turn and give him looks.

He feels heat rise in his cheeks. He just hopes they don't look flushed.

 _Note to self,_ he thinks to himself,  _When in the midst of defending Anakin, do NOT present the message like so again._

Mace, of course, is the first one to remove his sharp gaze on him. He clears his throat, and with confirmation, he states to all of them, "Then we shall come together and meditate to find spiritual peace."

Meditation. He should've realized.

It was a good thing to do to prevent them from summoning Anakin to do so. Meditation was never one of his strong points. 

Especially if he isn't his best emotionally.

Yoda takes a glance at all of the Masters around him, his brown eyes adopting sort of a sympathetic twinge. 

"Come forward, all of you", the Grand Master summons, weariness evident in his voice and his Force essence. "Let us meditate. And through this, clear our minds, we will. And heal our spirits, we will. Come together, and learn from our mistakes, we shall. And grow stronger and wiser as members of the Jedi Council, we will. Come and meditate. Come and meditate..."

The other five Masters, including him, walk towards the smaller Jedi Master standing in the center of the Council Chamber. Them being taller, they kneel and place one of their hands on Yoda, and the other on whichever Council member is next to them.

Yoda places his small, worn, clawed hands on his gimer stick and falls into meditation.

The other four around Obi-Wan follow suit.

Knowing participation is completely unavoidable, he shoves away his worry for Anakin for now, knowing ultimately that he will be alright, and that they will be having an inevitable talk later. He  _will_ give his former Padawan the comfort that he needs to move on from this ordeal.

And he hopes that Ahsoka will be safe. The galaxy isn't a safe place to wander around aimlessly. She barely escaped capture from the GAR. The clones aren't a terror gang, but they could've been. 

She has no home. No food. No way of contact. No job. No lightsabers. How will she survive out there?

...

There is the Force. If there is something out there that can help her survive and make a new life, it is the Force that will guide her down this new path that she is creating for herself. She may understandably reject any ideals of it, but it will still help her and mend her regardless. He's sure of it.

There is always the Force.

Before he goes into meditation with the others, he sends a private message to the ex-Padawan, willing the Force to send it to her, despite all caused harm to her.

_Goodbye, Ahsoka Tano. May the Force be with you._

With that being said, he closes his eyes, and lapses into meditation.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Obi-Wan. I really do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses for this. All I can say regarding the following is that this gonna be the FEELINGEST chapter so far. What can I say? I love the hurt/comfort stuff in Ani and Obi's relationship. A good enough reason why they're my BrOTP.
> 
> Enjoy, and prepare to cry. (If you don't...well you're heartless. LIKE ME! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! And Steven Moffat XD)

His mind is racing at lightspeed with thoughts and memories. He tries so hard to get back to meditation, tries so hard to get back to clearing his mind, to recover spiritually from all that has happened in the past two weeks...to heal from this...escapade, as Master Plo Koon put it.

But the swirling vortex that has become his unusually beyond active mind prevents him from completing this task.

He wonders if this lack of focus is exactly how Anakin's brain works, especially when he tried, and failed, to make him meditate when he was a Padawan. The reason being he really dislikes this new, distinct reaction to something he's well-equipped to do. Something  _all_ Jedi are well-equipped to carry out.

He was fine and well-centered for some...thirty minutes, maybe? Then somehow...well,  _this_ happened. He's now unable to concentrate, unable to focus. And it's all thanks to the pestering thoughts inside his mind that he just can't seem to force to just. Leave. Him.  _Alone._

Worrisome whispers are concerning Anakin's well-being. A pack of internal musings are on Barriss Offee, the actual mastermind behind everything, his disbelief at her putting such treacheries into action, and what will become of her. A single, orphaned thought caked in painful remorse is on Ahsoka, and what she could possibly be up to right at this moment. 

But the majority of all of them center on his former apprentice and his current state. They are so adamant on catching his attention that they seemingly make the other afterthoughts he has unimportant.

His former apprentice having to go through the departure of Ahsoka, as well as the pain-inducing escapade they had both gone through, has been burned into his memory and soul. And it will stay that way forever.

* * *

_The deep chime rings on both levels of the Chamber of Judgment, summoning Anakin and Ahsoka to the higher level, where the short interrogation is to be held._

_Six Jedi Masters, including himself, stand in box-like pulpits that are similar to cutouts of the wall, and in some way representing their Council chairs. There are only six of these that have been constructed;only half of the Council can participate in affairs like these._

_Saesee Tiin had left some time ago to participate in the meeting with the Chancellor that Admiral Tarkin, so the Council requested Jedi Master Shaak Ti to return to Coruscant to take his place, to which she kindly obliged._

_The closed hole on the floor opens to reveal two Temple Guards, along with Anakin and his Padawan hovering to the Council's presence. The platform they stand on lessens in size as only Ahsoka hovers higher on the cylindrical pillar that made the middle of the large circular platform to directly face the six Council members trying her._

_One of them has promised himself to stay out of this whole interrogation, believing it to be for the best. He can't defy the Senate, nor his colleagues;it's impossible. He can't make matters worse than they already are._

_He risks a glance at Anakin, who has backed himself close to the corner. Even from up here, he can make out his anxious expression screaming for this nightmare to stop._

_But Obi-Wan sadly knows what the outcome is going to be. And he knows the younger man and his student will be less than thrilled about it._

_Ahsoka glances at all of them, just as anxious as her Master. She is coming face to face with her own brethren, who have turned their backs on her at every turn._

_What's about to happen to her is the ultimate betrayal._

_He wonders if both of them know what the result of this will be as well. Just the thought of it sickens him to the very core._

_Never_ _has he wanted to save someone from terrible situation this badly. Never before has the urge to take someone he cares about away to the far reaches of the galaxy been this strong as it is now._

_He wants so badly to put those thoughts into action. He so badly wants to spare his friends any more pain._

_But of course he can't._

_"Padawan Tano", Yoda says, beginning the interrogation. "Serious charges have been levied against you. How plead you?"_

_"Not guilty, Master", Ahsoka replies, in the calmest voice she can muster, betraying her desperate expression. "I would **never** take the lives of innocents. The values of the Jedi are **sacred** to me."_

_Truer words have never been spoken. She has devoted her life to the Jedi Order, devoted herself to save others lives. She has put her safety on hold countless times for helpless, powerless victims of the war, all in the name for peace;isn't that what the Jedi strive for?_

_And now here she is, standing before him and five others, being accused of doing otherwise._

_"There is evidence to the contrary", Ki-Adi-Mundi states._

_Oh, here we go again, he internally groans._

_"You were alone with Letta Turmond when she died. Can you explain this?"_

_The soon-to-be ex-Padawan's expression becomes aghast. "Someone used the Force against her."_

_And it definitely wasn't her who did that. Ahsoka is can be forceful when interrogating someone, but not in a way where things get physical. Not like her Master, who is dangerously unpredictable when it comes to interrogation, sometimes turning vicious to get the information he desires._

_She's never broken someone's trust. Neither has her Master. Trust is the equivalent of gold to the both of them. It doesn't make sense why Ahsoka would want to break something she's kept so close to her heart._

_These facts are more evidence of her innocence. Yet everyone else believes otherwise._

_"Which brings us to Ventress", Plo Koon replies. "Can you explain your association with her?"_

_If there is anyone who knows all about having to team up with the enemy, it's him. Ahsoka's team-up with known Separatist assassin Asajj Ventress must have had a good reason. While her choice for a partner is questionable, there **must** have been a good reason behind the bond, even if he's not sure what the reason could be. He's sure of it._

_He's had to team up with Ventress himself in order to escape the clutches of Maul and his brother on Raydonia. It wasn't her original plan, but she rescued him all the same. He and Anakin had to team up with Count Dooku to escape Hondo Ohnaka and his Weequay pirates' captivity on Florrum. And he also had to team up with the same pirate to save him and his people from Maul and Savage, who brought along Hondo's own men, who had been bribed with money, most likely, to the party._

_Well. He realizes that they both share a common knowledge thanks to the war. Funny thing that he's figured this out when she is just about to officially be branded as a criminal._

_"We...had a mutual understanding", she replies, hesitant at first. But then her voice drips begins to drip venom, saying the next sentence bitingly. "I **thought** she was helping me."_

_Mace Windu is quick to respond. "Did she help you acquire the nanodroid weaponry found when you were apprehended, the same devices used in the bombing of the Temple?"_

_"No!", she responds, alarmed. "I was set up! And deceived! As you are being deceived now!"_

_"The question is, Padawan Tano", Mace continues in his characteristically stony stoicism, "who is deceiving us? Ventress, you, or someone else?"_

_"I am **not** deceiving you!", Ahsoka insists, putting on a display of frustration. "I would assume **Ventress** is! But I can't be sure. My sense is...clouded."_

_"Clouded by the dark side, these things are, Padawan Tano", comments Yoda, tone changing from stoic and stern to adopting an air of...reassurance? "Dangerously clouded. But not just surrounding you. Surrounding many things, in these times."_

_Hold on a minute. Is Yoda actually trying to give her some advice? Is he trying to **reassure** her of something? Or is he taunting her, telling her she has joined the dark side and has allied herself with the Sith, and the suffocating veil of the dark side has become so thick, clouding everyone's senses because she is so immersed in hate and anger now? That she's too far gone to be redeemed?_

_No. Impossible. Yoda would never mean it like that. He is a strong servant of the light, valiantly providing wisdom and strength for all those who need it, and those who seek it. He is kind and compassionate on all aspects._

_And he is wise. Surely he would be able to sense the darkness inside her if there was any...wouldn't he?_

_He's suddenly hit with the idea that Yoda doesn't want to give up Ahsoka to the Senate so easily. That he doesn't want this **child** standing before them to be revoked of everything that she has built herself up to. And it might be because in someway, somehow...maybe..._

_Maybe..._

_Maybe Yoda believes in her innocence. He might go so far to say that the Grand Jedi Master cares for her. Even though he hasn't really shown it as of late, and he's sided with Mace and the others to not be seen as an opponent._

_But he can't help but to wonder if that decision was out of reluctance._

_"You've already made your decision, haven't you?", an oh-so-familiar voice seethes from below._

_Everyone in the room, including Ahsoka, turn their heads to face the source._

_"This meeting is just a **formality!** ", Anakin shouts out angrily, blue eyes brewing a violent storm._

_And it is. No argument is necessary for that statement. This meeting is only a formality of what truly is to come._

_He hears Yoda sigh and solemnly declare, "Reached a decision, we have. Though not in total agreement, are we."_

_Ahsoka's eyes widen in anxious anticipation. Both her and her Master's strong cravings for their answer pound the Force around him like a simple metal hammer hitting the head of a nail, driving it into wood. It feels sickening;he pictures himself getting down on the ground and curling into a ball, which probably wouldn't be appreciated by his tightening stomach, when in reality, all he can do is stay catatonic, vulnerability gaining hold of him, allowing Ahsoka and Anakin's growing anticipation to come at him repeatedly, each blow harder than the last._

_And barely defend himself with feeble, barely heard apologetics._

_"It is the Council's opinion that Padawan Ahsoka Tano has committed sedition against the Republic", Mace states, delivering the verdict. "And thus, she will be expelled from the Jedi Order."_

_Silent shock fills the chamber. The horrendous harassing of his friends' anticipation finally ceases._

_So a shockwave of multiple emotions—sadness, abandonment, desperation—take its place, swallowing him into their crazed company with ease._

_"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!", he manages to hear Anakin shriek out. He sees that his former apprentice's hands are curled into fists, arms raised in a fighting stance. The Temple Guards activate their double-bladed pale yellow lightsabers in a defensive pose._

_Ahsoka's pained expression lowers to her boots as her pillar lowers to become part of the platform._

_"Your Padawan status will be stripped from you", Ki-Adi states, denouncing her. "And you shall forfeit all rank and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic."_

_The cylindrical pillar holding the new ex-Padawan becomes part of the larger platform once again._

_Ahsoka stands completely still. Depressed. Broken. Abandoned. These emotions roll off of her in tidal waves, crashing into him, drowning him. All he can manage in thought in this state is how they all have fallen._

_Anakin stands completely helpless behind the two at the ready Temple Guards. Just like his Master, he is in disbelief, only it's the more helpless and desperate kind. Just like Ahsoka, his feelings sway forward and pull him in the deep sea of intense emotions._

_Never has he seen his friends so small. And it's his fault from them feeling this way._

_"You will be turned over to the Republic courts to await your trial, and whatever punishment they will set for you", Ki-Adi continues._

_One of the Temple Guards steps towards Ahsoka, and harshly removes her Padawan braid from her headdress._

_"Henceforth, you are banned from the Jedi Order."_

_From this moment, everything has changed._

* * *

Nightfall is now upon Coruscant. His mind is still running at the speed of light with grouped afterthoughts and seemingly old memories. He's been in and out of meditation because of this. It's a wonder that the other Masters meditating around him haven't picked up on this unusual pattern yet.

When his attention is dragged away from the task before him, he ends up giving into the afterthoughts rapidly running rampant around his brain. He thinks about Anakin and how he can, within his power, help him cope with everything that happened. It won't be easy, especially since his former Padawan will probably never fully heal, the same way he dealt with the death of his mother. 

He wishes the judgment in the preceding two weeks was somewhat better than what was displayed before Anakin's ex-Padawan. He wishes there was some way that every little detail about the painstaking escapade that was endured, causing the remaining hope and trusting belief in that young woman to be shattered in an instant, to be erased from existence, to stop Barriss from making several huge mistakes, to reset everything, rewinding time, and allowing those lives lost to accomplish the things they were meant to do for the good of the Galactic Republic. 

These thoughts are shut down and locked away immediately;there is no use for "should haves". They don't do any use for anything at all.

Mace had said something earlier that's sticking to him. Just before Ahsoka had made her final decision, he had told her that the entirety of those two weeks were her great trial. And because of it, she had become a greater Jedi than she would have been otherwise.

Is this really even real? Is it purely true, as true as the energy field responsible for the gift he and nine thousand ninety nine others share, the feeling of being in tune with the universe, as if it's in the palm of their hand? Is everything that was done to Ahsoka really just something that was just the will of the Force? Something simply to prove that she was worthy of the rank of Jedi Knight? Was this all just a special edition of the Trials, (seeing as Ahsoka is— _was_ —one of the noteworthy Jedi out on the field...at least, according to him) something the Force made out just for her, thinking it would be too easy for her to pass them? Did the Force simply want her to face her weaknesses and fears another way?

Surely it wasn't in the script for Barriss to betray her friend, betray her _Order_ , kill her own kin, clones, and civilians, formulating a diabolical scheme without a remorseful thought who was caught in the cross lines, especially if the direct target was one of her closest friends. That wasn't in the will of the Force for awful things to occur.

_Or was it?_

The Force works in mysterious ways. That was what Mace had said in what seems like a hollow and empty-feeling eternity ago. And he is absolutely aware of this. The Force is something of a mystery that the Jedi have been trying to fully understand for centuries. But it seems that just when you have it all figured out, in moments like this, one realizes how little they really know. What they really know is just the tip of the iceberg. 

And what's in his knowledge of it often leaves him conflicted, unsure of what the meaning of all of this is. What the point of using and trusting and confiding in an _energy field_ is. 

And he wonders if in moments like these, now that Ahsoka's gone, if it's still with her, even if it set all of this up for her, which he can't seem to even try to comprehend.

Is the Force really with them? Are they all just here to prove how good and great they can be for the galaxy in the name of it? Surely it would be...

But weren't mistakes made? It was clear as day for Plo Koon to admit so. But Mace had proved a valid point;the Force works in mysterious ways. All of this might have been used as a special version of the Trials, for all he knows. 

Pain was inflicted, scarring Ahsoka emotionally, making her lose her trust and faith in the Order. A trial to see if she was a worthy Jedi Knight was enforced.

Apologies were declared. A notice of possible upcoming Knighthood was issued. 

_And it was all the will of the Force?_

Suddenly, out of nowhere, something red hot shows itself to his sense. It's nothing dangerous, it's an emotion. An emotion being sensed through his Force bond with Anakin.

Rage.

He knows this feeling all too well. He's been in the storm of Anakin's anger too many times to count. He knows what being near it and sensing it feels like.

But Anakin's anger has _never_ been this intense. It has never burned this bright. 

He's not entirely sure this unadulterated thunderstorm being produced is even coming from his former apprentice. But it is.

And it's directed at the Council.

It's directed at _him._

He senses the embodiment of anger built getting stronger every passing second. He can practically feel every pulsating step Anakin takes like a pounding heartbeat, similar to that of a sledgehammer. And there's nothing he can send through the Force that will stop the inevitable fury coming towards him, ready to strike everyone down. 

And he's afraid, if he's being honest. He's never been afraid of his former Padawan before. He's been _worried_ about him, sure. He's been startled by some particular outbursts, slamming of the hand and other loud sounds made making him flinch, creating goosebumps. But _never_ pure fear. Nothing of the sort. Nothing like this.

So, on pure human instinct, he goes rigid against his meditating companions as he braces himself for a fuming, livid Anakin to burst through the Council Chamber, ready to unleash all of the pent-up rage he knows he's been barely holding in for two weeks. 

But right when it's at its peak, the thunderstorm becoming a tornado, when he knows that this is it...

It doesn't come.

He slightly opens one blue-gray eye, fully expecting the sliding metal doors to crumble and be pushed back towards him with ungodly speed and Force power. 

But it doesn't happen.

Cautious fear turns into confusion, then the tornado intensifies tenfold, then shrieking reaches his ears.

Not a moment too soon, he rushes out of the room, eyes wide, feeling horror and disbelief at what's possibly happening.

The shrieking is pretty loud, it's got to be close to the Council Chamber. Yet when he leaves the room, there's nothing to be found in either direction. 

So he rationalizes that it's being sensed through the Force. And that, combined with the violent storm being unleashed in the Force...

Oh no. No. Not that. Anything but that.

"Master Kenobi?"

He startles at the sound of his name, turning around to face the five other Jedi Council members, all their confusion pinpointing him like a bullseye.

How is _he_ the only one sensing this? Are the others around him _really_ this ignorant?

"Troubled you are, I sense. Tell us why, can you?", Yoda asks.

A swell of rushing impatience boils inside him like bile, but he swallows it back, knowing self-control and calm are necessities for situations such as this.

"Someone is in trouble, Master", he explains after a rather pregnant pause. "I suggest we try and find where it is and put a stop to it before—"

The shrieking has instantaneously maximized in volume, making the situation more important to end.

And somehow, in that instant where it would be hard for most to even think straight, he has a moment of clarity.

He's put all the puzzle pieces together. He's found the missing clue.

_Oh._

_Ohhhhhh._

Nobody is being hurt by anybody. No one is in any danger. And if the horrendous shrieking is being heard through the Force if nobody is being caused any sort of harm—

...

The shrieking is coming from _Anakin._

Of course. The lava flows of anger raging in frantic, terrifying speed being felt through their Force bond, the loud screams being produced because of its existence—

It's all his former Padawan, and nothing more.

For an agonizingly long moment, he can't seem to believe that his former apprentice, the boy he trained, practically  _raised_ , is responsible for all of this utter  _mayhem_ in the Force.

But it is. It is him.

There is no denying what is real.

He really should get going, leave the Council Chambers, no matter how rude and unbecoming it may be, find Anakin and attempt with more than just the best of his ability to get the younger man to calm down and regain his self-control, but...

The intensity...the seeming danger of getting inside the eye of the storm...the outright malice and seething rage...

It's like rusty iron shackles have been placed on his ankles, and superglue has been placed below his feet. 

And he can do nothing but witness and feel.

The shrieking grows considerably louder by the second;it's almost a wonder that his ears aren't seeping blood at this point, seeing as though the sound is louder than logic can provide in decibels. He doesn't know how much more of this shocking agony he can take. 

But he doesn't really need to know that, as the continuous, crazed shrieking heard by his mind and the fiery tornado in the Force gradually die down, and they replaced with...

_Crying?_

No. This isn't crying. This is sobbing. This is  _wailing._ Caused by grief and devastation beyond comprehension.

He loosens his unknowingly rigid form, artillery cannons firing Anakin's sorrow at him with such precision he almost does fall backwards. Again, he realizes he should get going and _help his little brother_ , but just the sheer intensity of Anakin's pain and vulnerability...

It's nothing like he's felt beforehand. It's...incredible...yet...terrible to endure. But all he can do is just endure it. It's like he's...in some sort of trance that he just can't seem to snap out of.

"Master Kenobi?", Plo asks, trying to regain his attention.

He knows he's being watched, but he can't seem to care. It's like his attention is on nothing in particular, yet it's solely focused on the terrible pain being unleashed in full force.

"Obi-Wan?", Mace asks.

And Yoda seems to understand this;he can just barely feel some sympathy and understanding carressing his tortured soul.

But what he can't sense is Master Plo coming closer to him, another Force signature coming into center of the intense thunderstorm brewing, somewhat bravely, albeit unknowingly, coming into the storm confessing the true meaning of brokenness in its purest form, placing a clawed hand on his shoulder, causing him to regain his senses, jump back into reality. 

He just didn't expect it to be so quick. So simply on instinct, he again stiffens his badly, relentlessly attacked form.

"Obi-Wan, my friend", Plo says, his voice surprisingly gentle. 

Although he can't see Plo's eyes thanks to the protective eye goggles he wears, he can just picture the unwilting concern in them, the understanding, the fact that he is feeling what he is feeling right now. And that's why he can't see them. How childish. How unbecoming of a revered Jedi Master.

Yet he can't seem to care about either of those things as well.

"You're devastated too, aren't you?", Plo asks, retaining his gentle tone, albeit the volume becoming quieter.

But the way he says it isn't phrased like a question.

He's hurt, yes. But devastated? He knows all too well who's feeling devastation right at this very moment. They all should know.

But what they don't know, and never will know, and never be able to  _begin_ to comprehend is the depth of Anakin's grief and devastation. He certainly hasn't been able to, although he's the one feeling the full brunt of it.

As well as the swirling vortex of anger hiding the pure hurt. And it's all because of him and the Council.

And Anakin will never forgive them. He will never forgive _him._ It's a cold and harsh reality that hurts so much it's sickening, but it's the truth, and it's useless to deny it. 

Besides, when has truth ever been kind to him?

So he stands, unresponsive, Plo's clawed but kind-intentioned hand still on his rigid right shoulder, in silence, just listening to the loud and unyielding sobs of his former Padawan, who unleashes sorrow, grief, devastation, and brokenness all in one in their purest form.

And his only response to it all is doing absolutely nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing in silence.

And the silence is not golden.

* * *

He's racing through the halls now, his destination being his broken former apprentice's quarters. While this quest is being made, a growing darkness seems to be taking over the Force, surrounding him, growing more intense every hurried step he takes. 

The Halls of Healing are very far from the Jedi dormitories;it will take a few agonizing minutes to get to where he really must be, and where he should've been a while ago. 

The cries of sadness Anakin was emitting have stopped some time ago, which he can't really be relieved about. The reason being there were two instances when grief mingled with anger, and in one of them, cries of obvious physical pain occurred, and then grief overtook the younger man once more. The sadness slowly regressed, and it seemed as though his turmoil began to settle, yet remain present.

And he became greatly concerned. A little afraid, even. He still is.

And that bit of fear, as well as the scene he was making, ended up putting him in the Halls of Healing for a good five minutes, (he wanted to do otherwise, he really did, but he couldn't find the strength to even  _speak up_ ) with a glass of water being given to him for treatment. Master Vokara Che would've given him an anxiolytic to go with that as well, but, finding his normal self, he was insistent that the water was enough. 

And although Plo wasn't really buying it, he backed him up, telling Vokara tidbits of the situation, remaining as discrete as possible. 

She wasn't buying it either, but, being the kind and understanding Jedi that she is, she dropped the matter, and let him leave.

So now he's taking the turbolift up to the Jedi dormitories, then running at top speed past a youngling nursery, and past several confused younglings who should be asleep at this hour, and older Jedi Masters taking an evening stroll through the Temple.

He pounds up two flights of stairs, rushes past hallway after hallway, pushing through the darkness's growing intensity bravely, determined to get where he needs to be as quick as he can;the protesting of his legs is something he couldn't care less about. 

In a matter of moments, he reaches the one hallway that matters the most. The hallway where his destination lies. The hallway where Anakin's quarters exist. 

His stomach is in knots. His fiercely pounding heart is in his throat. The darkness is screaming for help now, telling a tale of trouble that needs immediate attention.

He slowly makes his way down the hall, to the designated dorm, the darkness screaming growing louder, and, ironically, growing darker. 

Halfway there, and he has a very bad feeling about this. He's certainly going to be met with something unpleasant, that's true. There's no doubt about it. But he has to keep going, he knows. His friend needs him more than ever before. He needs his help, and it needs to be delivered now.

Two dorms away from Anakin's, and the darkness's screaming is now at an ungodly level. It's more intense than any of Anakin's outbursts he's borne witness to, and that's saying something. It might even be more intense than what he had to endure earlier this evening.

And that is enough proof of how delicate and fragile the situation before him is.

His pace becomes even more slower as he finally approaches the door to Anakin Skywalker's quarters. Along with that, the darkness increases in intensity, and the screaming is more shrill than anything he's ever heard;even more than the volume of shrieking he didn't know his former Padawan was even capable of.

Uncertainty seeps into the small openings of the twisted knots that makes up his stomach, knowing he has to go forward and obey the shrill pleading and begging the darkness is emitting, but the question is...

_How does he approach a matter such as this?_

Calling upon the Force and his Jedi training for calm, he rather awkwardly knocks on the door, halfheartedly trying to seem casual. For a short moment, he pretends that his former Padawan is merely late for a Council meeting (again), and he's here to retrieve him (again).

"Anakin?", he calls out, just managing to subtly ignore the darkness's rather loud and emotional protests to go in.

He gets no response, so he knocks again.

"Anakin?"

Again, no response. This isn't surprising. He assumed as much;he'll have to go in. 

On the right side of every door to a Jedi dorm is a keypad that requires a four-digit passcode to be entered to be gained access inside. Anakin had graciously offered his passcode to Obi-Wan, the main purpose being if there was some sort of emergency where access to his quarters was neeed. And he has to admit he has sort of abused that privilege from time to time. But in his defense, if he hadn't, then the Council would've had Anakin and Ahsoka's hides twenty times over.

Involuntarily, a sad smile spreads across his face at the thought of the young woman. There were so many fond memories made with her, especially the ones where he played the grown-on role of Mom and informed the Master-Padawan duo of their terrible lack of punctuality for a meeting or departure for a mission and waited for them to hurry up and get out the door, then walk with them to wherever they were needed. This daily routine had its funny moments, especially a particularly humiliating moment for the two when they almost ended up in the same shower.

It seems that the little things that happened between the three of them are the most memorable moments. Although he won't admit it to anyone,(maybe Anakin, but he's not so sure)he's going to really miss the former Togruta Padawan. 

_Anakin..._

_Oh. Right._

He almost forgot about the younger man and the hole he's dug himself into, as well as shutting out the darkness and its shrill shrieking for a painfully reminiscent moment.

He turns to the panel automatically, and punches in the code.

_8473._

The door slides open, and he enters briskly, the door sliding closed behind him.

He's met with an empty and mostly neat living room. The same goes for the kitchen. Everything looks normal and well-organized, aside from a dark cloak tossed carelessly on the burgundy sofa(the coat rack is  _right next to it_ ) and speeder keys on the bare granite countertop.

As soon as he'd entered the dorm, he had begun hearing a faint hum that sounded distinctly familiar, one that he recognized as the noise the weapon clipped to his belt makes. One that is made by all of the cylindrical weapons found on every Jedi's belt.

It is the noise of an ignited lightsaber.

This is when he notices a blue light down the hallway. Anakin's lightsaber.

Hurriedly following the light and the sound it's emitting, he finds himself at Anakin's bedroom door, where a less than pleasant scene greets him in its grim way. 

Above the lightsaber is a long, maroon slash, indicating that with the violent anger that was unleashed by his former Padawan, he had taken that close to untamable rage out on his room. More proof of this is a slanted, charcoal-colored slash mark on the light gray door.

It's too filled to see anything, but luckily it's not enough to make it beyond repair. He reaches out to trace it, his fingertips barely touching it.

While this has been going on, the darkness has grown more unbearable in volume and intensity. The closer he has gotten to his former apprentice, it has become more relentless and persuasive, imploring him to get in Anakin's room and _help him._

He once again complies to the screaming, pressing the big red button on the keypad next to it, and enters the room.

And just like that, the screaming darkness immediately vanishes. 

Then, he is  _beyond_ shocked.

The room is a  _horrid mess._ There are slashes, obviously made by the lightsaber on the floor, all over the walls, all over the floor. Glass shards are scattered on the left side of the room;the windows have been broken open. The blinds covering them have been sliced in half. It's a wonder they are still attached to the wall.

Droid parts have been thrown around, some of them sliced in half. The work table has been flipped over, shattering figurines and other things. Crates holding spare parts have suffered a more relentless slashing.

Anakin's podracer poster has been torn down the wall, leaving mere scraps of paper thrown roughly on the slashed floor. Cloaks, clothes, bedsheets, and blankets have been tossed around. The pillow and mattress lie messily on the left side of the room. 

And in the trashed room, laying on a pile of overturned clothes,is his former Padawan, in a somewhat state of sleep, curled in on himself, whimpering softly. 

Only one word is able to roll off his tongue.

Only one word is registered in his dazed mind.

Only one word is able to be processed. 

And that is the younger man's name.

" _Anakin!_ ", he shouts worriedly.

He rushes to his former apprentice's side, hands on his shoulder and temple. 

And this is when he sees the state of his left hand.

_Oh no..._

He carefully takes Anakin's flesh hand into his own, examining the wound on it. Dark red liquid slowly seeps from it;the cause is shards of glass stuck just above the palm, which don't do much to stop the blood flow. 

He's been gone for a good while, meaning this wound has been bleeding for a considerable amount of time. His immediate thought is to rouse the younger man and escort him to the Halls of Healing, but there are some problems with that.

First off, this wound has been bleeding for long enough, and the walk there will be long enough to risk infection to it. And second, if he wakes his former Padawan, there's undoubtedly going to be resistance involved, also risking infection.

But what other choice does he have? He's certainly no healer, and he'd much rather have a professional deal with this than the likes of himself.

A moan removes him from his thoughts, a sign that medical attention must be ministered to him, and swiftly. There's no telling how long it will be before the wound becomes infected, or if it already is. 

For some reason, by some unnamable impulse, despite him being a long way off of professional help, he decides to take control of the task at hand, healing his former apprentice's wound, and getting this room cleared of the mess. It may be because time isn't on his side, it may be because he actually knows the basics of administration to wounds—he and several other Padawans, and the Padawans of now learn them—he doesn't know. 

What he knows is that he has dealt with puncture wounds like this before, and the person with this kind of injury is none other than Anakin.

The glove will have to be removed eventually, but with glass stuck in his hand, removing it will only make the wound worse in condition, and more than likely push the glass deeper into tissue. He'll need a first aid kit;every Jedi, including him, has one somewhere. There's certainly a pair of pliers—or preferably, tweezers—in it that he can use to remove it.

Going into the refresher to retrieve the kit, he turns on the bright light, expecting to just find a clean bathroom with the cabinets below the sink, where the medkit is. But instead he is met with the reason for Anakin's wound.

The refresher mirror has been punched in, leaving a large, gaping hole of brown wood plating that shows just as much evidence of a break as the mirror that stood in front of it. There are glass shards behind the faucet, around and in the sink, some on the floor;among them, two partially stained red with blood. 

_Oh dear..._

Brushing off his shock, he opens the cabinets below the sink, avoiding the glass on the tiled floor, and quickly locates what he's looking for:the white, briefcase-like box with a red cross smacked in the middle of it. The medkit.

Great, he's found it. Now to find  _exactly_ what he needs. 

He takes out the kit, opens it up, and examines its contents.

The inside of the kit is rather cluttered, items carelessly piled on to each other, but he would expect as much from his former Padawan. Bacta patches are scattered around every area possible, bottles of peroxide and pills of various uses squishing some of the rather fragile packets. At the top, a few syringes stand at the ready in protective cases that are practically made as part of the design of the kit's interior. Next to it dangles a clear plastic zipper bag only supported by velcro, carrying contents including a few needles and thread, a small pair of scissors, a scalpel, and, just what he's been looking for:a pair of tweezers.

He closes the kit, bringing it over to his injured, sleeping friend. He then Forces the lights on to fully see the operation he's about to perform, then, noticing Anakin's activated lightsaber still on the floor, calls the sapphire blade of his former Padawan to his palm, clipping it to his belt. 

Once those things are done, he reopens the kit, zipping open the plastic bag and pulling out the tweezers, then gently takes Anakin's hand in his, aiming the tweezers at a shard of glass. He allows himself to feel awe at the fact that the younger man is still asleep, even when his old Master had worriedly shouted his name out. He must have drained himself of all energy to care, as well as being caught up in his own inner turmoil. He can still sense so much devastation and heartbreak radiating off of him.

He decides the best option now is to let his, emotionally and physically, exhausted friend sleep through the operation. Right now, what the boy needs is rest, serving as a temporary escape from all the pain that taunts his defeated soul.

And it may heal him in the slightest amount.

His former apprentice stirs—a sign of waking. His consciousness starts to prickle to life in the Force, a series of small moans and whines being emitted as he does so. 

He waves his hand over the younger man's face, sending a sleep suggestion his way. The immediate result is a hoarse, high-pitched whine, half-suprised, half-irritated in nature, giving him the precursor that resistance is coming to play;although Anakin is normally not one to take Force suggestions, he hopes this time he  _will_ take this one. Just this once. Just for him.

Anakin's eyes squint tight, face and body scrunching up as he shifts to lay on his back, trying, but feebly, resisting the suggestion trying to take control. But it's no use.

The boy never even has the chance to crack open his eyes. All the scratchy grunts and the squirming immediately cease as his consciousness shuts down, hopelessly surrendering to the offered sleep suggestion. His right arm, which was possibly raised to strike his former Master (even though the hit would have no power to it given Anakin's groggy state), falls limply to the floor.

Releasing a heavy sigh, his body relaxes, and he finally enters blissful sleep.

Releasing his astonishment into the Force, he begins working on Anakin's hand. 

* * *

In a matter of minutes, the wound has been cleared of glass, cleaned with peroxide, stitched and patched up. The medkit has been put away for another time, and the floor has been cleared of anything remotely sharp. The several tunics, synthleather tabards, and cloaks have been put back in the closet nicely and neatly. Basically, the room has been mostly cleaned, save the slashed open crates containing the spare parts, leaving the fate of them to his former Padawan, the blinds, which still hang in front of the open windows, and most definitely need to be replaced, and the flipped over worktable.

And Anakin has finally, with some effort, been put on a soft mattress under a pillow and blankets.

The lightsaber has been placed somewhere safe—in other words, somewhere that will probably be the first place Anakin will look first thing in the morning, and a place where he will have to get past him before he is able to get his hands on it and use it to...to...

Why wasn't he aware of what was really lying underneath? Why couldn't he notice that the dark emotions kept inside his best friend, his little brother, were becoming stronger than he originally perceived? Why was it too late to stop, or at least quell this from happening before it even started? Before Anakin unleashed everything he'd barely been holding back on his room and the Force and  _harm himself, for kriff's sake?!_

He is a Jedi Master, with duties and responsibilities to the name of peace;yet...it seems choosing duty above all else almost always hurts someone, especially the boy in front of him with a healing hand and a beaten heart.

He watches the younger man for a while, watching his chest rise and fall at an even, steady pace. His friend's tranquil state isn't something he often sees, and it's honestly beautiful, despite it partially being because pain and grief sapping his energy, and mainly because of the sleep suggestion given to him having done its job.

He strokes Anakin's slightly curly hair, sending soothing pulses of comfort through their Force-bond, knowing that even though he is asleep, they will reach him. His hand carresses the boy's cheek, running his thumb across the warm, soft surface.

Anakin mumbles something incomprehensible under his breath and leans into the touch, releasing a heavy sigh at the slight movement.

He feels a sad smile take form on his features. He...really  _hates_ seeing his friend not at his best. It hurts him, Jedi or not, to see Anakin in such a state of instability thanks to inner despair. 

He's going to need consolation, he knows. And as his former Master, he's more than beyond the point of willing to give it to him.

"You have no idea how hard it is for me to see you this way", he says, not realizing he said the words out loud until now. Also unknowingly, his hand rests atop of Anakin's gauze-wrapped one.

"Anakin, I am so sorry. I don't know what I can do that could possibly help."

The response is another heavy sigh, receiving a gentle squeeze of the wrist in return.

"I know you blame yourself for Ahsoka leaving", he adds. "And you should know it is  _not_ your fault that  _any_ of this happened."

It's horrible, this self-blaming. And to Obi-Wan, it doesn't make any sense. But it's all too familiar territory to stand in.

Every time he loses someone, every time something bad happens to someone he cares about, Anakin not only blames the person or people directly responsible, but also puts the blame on himself. Anakin points the finger at himself as well as the direct reason. Anakin beats himself over the incident, often making it worse on himself.

It's pretty much pointless, too. It has never made the situation better, never had any effect on the outcome, and never brought said person back. And it never will. The only thing the berating does is tear him down, make him feel more guilty. 

He always believes he could've done something differently. Could've prevented what caused the incident from happening. Could've tried harder to protect the person. Most of the time, the situation was pretty much inevitable, being constantly shipped out to a galaxy-wide war. And really, he always puts out his best wherever he is;things unfortunately happen in a war. People die. People get hurt. People get caught in the crossfire. And it's not his fault. It never was. 

But he never has really gotten that through his head. Despite worrying so much about the ones he cares deeply for, training so hard to protect them, trying so hard to keep them  _safe,_ he has this idea that he and his friends are invincible, untouchable. That his friends won't leave him for any reason. Part of his overconfident attitude and all. 

"Ahsoka would never leave your side because of you." He finds himself speaking to the sleeping boy in front of him again, almost as if he's having that much-needed conversation he  _was_ going to have with him. "She trusted you with her  _life._ As you trusted her with yours. You were there for her for the entire time she was accused, when she needed you the most. You taught her everything she knows, and she has become a courageous, powerful and wise young woman because of it. You've even saved her life on the field, and even from what would be the final verdict of her trial. And I'm sure that because of that, she is immensely grateful to have been under your tutelage."

And he adds, "And even if the Jedi Order is all she has known as home, if anyone can make it in the new life she's chosen for herself, it's her, and she owes it all to you."

He swears that he hears the younger man's voice in his head, the tone surprisingly casual sounding. No hostility. No brokenness. No hollowness. He sounds like he's having a good talk with someone. But who, and how?  _Why?_

Sure, the two of them can communicate telepathically with each other, but they have almost never done it in the same room, for one, and second, Anakin is far too deep in sleep to even try communication.

Then he hears him laughing. Laughing with innocence and mirth. And not a moment later, he hears himself laughing along with him. Along with them is a girl barely holding in her giggles. 

But it's not just any girl. 

It's Ahsoka Tano.

He realizes he was thinking about Ahsoka again. Remembering her.

He looks at his friend's face. His eyes are closed, a sort of heaviness to them. His mouth has fallen slightly agape, his face is tired, yet...younger. Like his small, bright, innocent nine-year-old self. Like his sleepy nine-year-old self.

He can't hold back astonishment at the change in appearance. His former apprentice went through a rather wild escapade of two weeks with his ex-Padawan at the center of it, and constantly gets shipped out to a galaxy-wide conflict, a place where he has learned things he should never have known. (War wrings out energy in the blink of an eye;he should know. He's a General.) 

And as he sleeps, he looks like that small slave child from Tatooine eager to embrace his freedom and become a Jedi. 

He feels at a loss for words. It feels as though he's said everything, yet he hasn't said enough. That numb feeling he felt when he was attacked relentlessly by Anakin's strong emotions is back. He can only sit next to his best friend and take it all in. Accept what is true.

Ahsoka is gone. A promising Jedi is gone. Anakin's  _Padawan_ is gone. His  _friend_ is no longer here.

For several minutes, he watches his sleeping brother, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest, listening to his slow, deep, even breaths and the wind blowing slightly harsher than usual, and the hum of speeders miles away from the Temple. 

During this time, he tries to figure out what to say. There is so much he wants to tell him, yet he doesn't have anything coming to mind. 

Yet there  _is_ something he wants to do. It might not be the most appropriate thing to do, but since words won't come, and he still wishes to give Anakin some means of comfort, despite the complexity of the aftermath of everything that has happened. Plus, he doesn't really wish to leave Anakin alone, especially now, after what him being alone caused.

He removes his boots, placing them next to the bed, and removes his belt and the lightsabers on it, setting them next to Anakin's, which lie on a sliced crate.

He then walks back to the bed, moving the blankets up and gently, very gently, moving Anakin's prosthetic arm closer to his body.

Finally, he lies himself on the twin-size bed, although not in the most comfortable position. He's lying on his side, and it's not exactly soothing when the bed is small in size and he's trying to give Anakin as much room as possible.

His head lies on his guarded forearm, using the other to reach over and gently stroke the gloved hand of Anakin's mechanical arm.

"You're not alone", he reassures his friend softly, sending soothing pulses of the peace that he desperately needs. "You're _never_  alone."

The response is a slow, heavy breath, followed by a soft snore.

He smirks, a little amused at the sound. He then puts his hand on Anakin's shoulder, and sighs.

He's never admitted it, but honestly, he loves this man. Loves him dearly. Loves him like he's the little brother he never had. And he really doesn't like it when he's so hurt, so sad.

He will be feeling lonely, he knows. He'll pretend he's completely fine, like nothing happened. Even though it's the polar opposite of those things.

He'll mask it all up. He knows his friend all too well.

"Ahsoka will be alright, Anakin", he murmurs. "She's smart, she's capable...she'll be just fine out there."

Another soft snore rumbles from the younger man's throat. This is a sign that he is going deeper into sleep.

His former Master's hand comes up to his head, stroking the slightly curly light brown hair, tangling his fingers in it.

"You taught her well", he whispers.

The younger man barely stirs, just barely, despite his unconsciousness, yet somehow knowing of Obi-Wan's prescence, lolling his head in his old Master's direction, and nestling himself deeper in the blankets covering him.

For the third time tonight, a sad smile crosses his face. Despite being deep in sleep, maybe, by doing that slight action, maybe Anakin isn't really that mad at him like he thought. Just maybe. 

Tomorrow, it will be harder. It won't be peaceful, it will be heartbreaking. A lost, hurt man feeling hollow inside, despite pushing people away, will want nothing more than someone to lean on.

And Obi-Wan Kenobi is more than willing to be that pillar of stone for his brother, Anakin Skywalker, to lean on.

But for now, he will act as his protection, lying next to him, just this once, protecting him, acting as a shield, from all the pain and anguish and despair of the galaxy not just as his Jedi Master, not as his friend...

...but as his brother.

As his brother in all but blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, Anakin and Obi-Wan are my BrOTP. They're brothers in all but blood, and we all know that. REVENGE OF THE SITH NEVER HAPPENED!! :D At least in THIS timeline, anyway. :)
> 
> I was listening to Hymn for the Missing by Red on a loop while writing this. It's beautiful and raw and sad and I believe it fits this chapter and these two adorkables very well. 
> 
> Anyway, toodaloo! Until next time, folks! :D


	5. Chapter 5

There is blackness. But that doesn't mean he's unconscious. In unconsciousness, there is no awareness, even with the Force.

There is awareness in this blackness.

Anakin is awake.

So he struggles to lift his heavy eyelids--to release himself from the gentleness of sleep. Flashes of white cross his vision before eventually turning into shades of color. Shades that are familiar to him.

He's in his room. On his seeming cloud of a bed, to be more specific.

However, the surroundings seem...off. Like some changes have been made to his room. Changes that he doesn't remember being made.

The walls are bare. The posters he brought from the Force-forsaken planet that was known as his homeworld, Tatooine, are missing. What replaces them are several charcoal lines that come from something so...familiar. The blinds are broken--sliced in two. The glass behind them must've been busted too; a chill is breezing through the unsatisfyingly hollow space.

What's also new is that his left hand is missing its mismatching glove, wrapped in some kind of gauze. A little bit of blood has stained it, a sign he has been injured.

It only gets more alarmingly strange from there. His worktable has been divided in two--sliced in half by a not unfamiliar weapon. The same thing happened with several of the crates occupying the hollow space, leaving parts of machinery, some damaged, some not, visible in their wake.

_What the hell happened last night?_

And before he had noticed all of this, he had sensed a prescence in his room. It's not a threatening one, but one that feels familiar. All too recognizable.

_Obi-Wan..._

Surely his former Master hadn't done the destruction to his room. It was _nothing_ like him. Although something tells him he was the one who picked up what was probably the synonym of the result of an earthquake.

The prescence of his Master in his own quarters is enough to say so.

And then, the memory hits him.

There was no natural disaster in his room. Although one would mistake it for so.

The reason his room is like this is because he lost it. Rage, animalistic rage had overtaken him, causing the room around him to turn out like this. Destroyed and hollow, like the aftermath of a great battle. Metaphorically cold and... _empty._

Why did he do it?

Well, he was mad. Mad at the Council, mad at Barriss, mad at the Senate--with the exception of Padmé--mad at Tarkin...

Mad at himself.

_But...why?_

Later as he discovered last night, every bit of the rage inside had been fueled by something else. Something sitting at the pit of his stomach, weighing him down, making it hard for him to breathe.

It was grief.

Gradually, the feeling seems to crawl up and spread everywhere in his body it comes across.

His hands have begun to tremble. The stinging in his eyes becomes blurriness in vision, hot and wet.

He inhales shakily, bringing his mechanical hand up to his face to clear his sight, only to have the memory of his... _former_ Padawan to appear,and begin to _torture_ him.

He can hear her call him Skyguy in that sarcastic tone of hers. He feels the touch of her fist playfully punching his shoulder. But it feels different from the original intention. It feels harsh and biting.

And when he looks up in the most hesitant way...

It's her.

And she's not happy.

In fact her emotional state could be described as livid.

" _You_ ** _failed_** _me"_ , she spits.

He rubs his eyes, trying not to panic. Trying not to believe that this is real. That this is all a dream.

That this hell never happened.

It certainly doesn't feel like a dream.

 _But it's gotta be a dream,_ he thinks, on the verge of hysteria. _It's gotta be a dream._

 _It_ **_has_ ** _to be._

But his feelings say otherwise.

Denial is useless. There is no denying the truth of what has transpired. It's useless, it's fruitless.

Futile.

Vain.

The reality hits him hard once more.

He's vaguely aware of his door opening and an oh-so-familiar voice call his name in that unnerving mother hen tone.

"Anakin?", the crisp Courscanti accented voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi calls. "Are you alright?"

His former Master's evident concern in the Force seems to take in the space of his room. It seems to scrutinize his entire being, pin him down.

He never has played well with that kind of concern. More and more often times when he was faced with that, especially with what was going on with Ahsoka, it felt more and more like all the walls around him were closing in around him.

Especially now, when he just lost his daughter to the Council, a group that his old Master, the man in front of him, cornering him, is a part of.

So, instinctively, he responds the only way he knows how to respond to the worst kind of scrutiny he's ever known. The only way he knows how to respond to a traitor.

By snapping.

"Yeah, Obi-Wan", he starts, voice hoarse, trembling, yet fake-pleasant with an air of annoyance nonetheless. "I'm fine."

He stands up, a casual smirk planted on his lips, taking two small steps towards the door. He can feel all the rage pumping through his veins, just begging to be let out of the contracted, thin spaces meant for his blood cells and midi-chlorians to inhabit.

"Anakin--", his old master starts, trying to quell his friend's temper.

"In fact...I feel _great!_ ", Anakin exclaims, a chilling grin replacing the smirk. "Ahsoka's gone. She's left the Council, left _me._ She's not my Padawan anymore. She's not a Jedi anymore. Wanna know why?" The grin is slowly fading, shrinking in disturbing nature, revealing what _really_ lies behind this metaphorical mask that he is wearing.

The act is becoming real.

A faint tremor of something akin to the feeling of being startled unconsciously is released from Obi-Wan. Sarcastic acts like this one have been made before, but they were almost always out of mere annoyance.

It was _rarely_ out of anger. Especially anger this intense.

But now feels like a good time to use it. And boy, that tremor of... _fear?_ feels so good to revel in.

"Because the Council, as always, doesn't ever trust their own! Rather, they sucked up to Tarkin and the Senate, and tried her as a killer without so much as a second thought!", he exclaims, allowing more sarcasm to coat his tone of voice. "Barriss betrayed her best friend even after she did _nothing_ but respect her and look up to her, and _I_ was the only one who cared enough to figure that out!"

It adds more fuel. So much so that he decides to drop the act altogether. To unleash this fire of everything he once felt and is still feeling right here, right now.

" _Anakin"_ , Obi-Wan tries again, more firmly this time.

This time, however, the words dump all the gasoline to the white-hot flame growing inside of him.

His vision turns red.

The disturbing, chilling fake-grin is replaced completely with a venomous scowl.

A growl escapes from the back of his throat, and he unleashes a mighty Force push upon the man standing in front of him, his back landing on the wall harshly, almost cracking it. 

A surprised cry escapes his old Master's lips, fueling the inner rage so much it finally, fully escapes in large, hot waves, like molten lava and magma erupting from a volcano, turning the Force a bright crimson. And the fire inside burns every last nerve away. 

He holds his Master in place, reveling in his wide eyes and the feeling of fear he can feel coming from him.

He then turns that hold into a Force choke.

He watches his Master grasp for his neck, writhing, eyes becoming even more wide, the terror becoming more pronounced in them and the Force.

A crazed smile crosses his face as he strangles him harder, earning satisfying chokes and gags this time.

His Master _should_ be scared of him, he thinks.  _He_ was one of the several people who caused Ahsoka to leave him. Obi-Wan of all people should know that anyone,  _anyone,_ who causes pain to the ones who he holds dear to his heart should expect his wrath.

So-called _friends_ are no exception.

That's not all who should expect his wrath. Tarkin. Barriss needs more of it. The Chancellor. The clones. The damn Council.

Everyone who he'd _thought_ he could have a sense of trust for. 

He senses his traitor of a friend trying to say something. He can see his lips trying to form words, but he beats him to that bloody flag.

"YOU MADE HER LEAVE!", he bellows. "YOU SIDED WITH THE COUNCIL! YOU DID NOTHING FOR MY PADAWAN AND NOW SHE'S GONE! **MY PADAWAN IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU!** "

There is silence as the words...hopefully...probably not...sink into the suffocating man's mind. 

And then...a voice is heard inside his head. It's desperate, on the edge of begging. It's so unlike his former Master to sound this way, yet it offers a strange, satisfying sort of comfort to hear him come undone in front of him as he deserves. 

_Come to your senses, Anakin! Don't do this! It won't solve anything, just stop! Please!_

"I don't remember any of you stopping your judgment when she told you... _repeatedly..._ that she didn'tcommit _any_ of those crimes!", he roars back, aloud. Slightly tightening the invisible pincer-like grip on Obi-Wan's neck as well. "You didn't even  _try_ to help her in her time of need! YET YOU COULD'VE IF YOU  **TRIED!** "

And then...the realization hits.

_"You **could** have if you  **tried!** ", she screams, more emotionally driven than he's ever heard her speak. _

_What's killing him more inside is the truth of her words._

He vividly remembers what she had said earlier when he met up with her at that moment.

_"You didn't even **try** to come and help me!", Ahsoka says, her voice so small yet so final. She gestures to herself and the underworld below for emphasis. _

_"They wouldn't let me in to talk to you!", he cries, shamelessly letting a sharp edge of his inner desperation coat his tone of voice._

And then...clarity. Painful clarity.

He senses trouble...from his former Master...then wonders why his arm is extended, and his hand gripping an invisible ball tightly.

...

 _NO!_ What is he  _doing?!_

Immediately, like some sort of instinctive reflex, he releases his hold on Obi-Wan's neck, dropping him unceremoniously to the floor. 

The slightly shorter man falls to his knees, coughing and gasping for air, one hand rubbing his previously constricted airway, the other barely supporting him above the floor. 

His frame is practically frozen where it stands. The only thing that can be done thanks to the terrifying blank his mind is drawing is stare wide-eyed in shock at the stupidest, craziest, most irrational thing he's ever done.

He just nearly  _killed_ his Master.

Nearly killed his  _father._ His  _best friend._

He nearly killed Obi-Wan out of sheer rage.

Anakin had just taken his anger-- _no,_ this is _so_ much  _worse_ than just the result of anger--

Oh,  _Force_ he screwed up bad. 

 _What the hell is **wrong** with me?!, _he mentally shrieks, half out of raw horror, half out of anger towards himself.

Then he sees Obi-Wan's face meet his. And he can't bear to look.

One short second of seeing... _fearful..._ and  _hurt..._ he can't bear to look up.

 _He_ caused his friend this hurt.  _He_ caused his friend this fear.  _Anakin_ caused  _Obi-Wan_ these negative, taunting emotions.

He _never meant_ for this. He didn't mean to hurt him and make him afraid of him...he...

His Master slowly gets back up on his feet, hurt, and suppressed fear still fresh in those blue-gray pools, hand still gently rubbing his throat. 

And then, without a word, he leaves him alone in his room, in his quarters...like he would've wanted. 

But he doesn't want that.

He doesn't want that at all.

He doesn't remember having brought his shaking hands, real and prosthetic, up to his gaze, staring at them in horror. He can hardly wrap his sick, twisted, demented mind around the fact that he's looking at his hands. The very hands that nearly suffocated his best friend to death. He half-heartedly tries to convince himself that the hands he's looking at are someone else's...a Sith Lord's, maybe...ready to push  _him_ over and grip  _his_ neck and nearly snap it, too.

But denial is useless. There is no denying what has transpired.

 **He** is that Sith Lord.  **He** is that monster.

_**What the hell is wrong with me?!** _

He feels the need to hit something. He  _really_ needs to  _hit something...  
_

He heads towards the broken, barren worktable off to the side and lands a solid kick on its side. The anger at himself festers, it's not enough. He lands more kicks to it; it would be seen as a childish scene to pay witness to, but there are no witnesses, and he and the one witness he scared off don't care. No one else cares.

It's fine, really. Since when have the other Jedi ever cared? And Obi-Wan's got better things on his agenda to do, surely.

He sensed his former Master was on Ahsoka's side from the start. He remembers when he suggested via hologram at that Council meeting on that rainy night that he go with Master Plot to find her and bring her back to the Temple. That should've been proof enough for him. But it still just feels like he could've done more to show it...and...and...

The stomping slows as the blasted, crushing pain kicks in full force. Tears begin to blur his vision, and the moment when he and his... _former..._ Padawan, parted ways forever has begun to replay itself over and over in his mind.

The guilt has become bigger in feeling, brighter in intensity. His legs feel like jelly, he feels like he can't stand much longer.

Shakily making his way towards the door, he considers finding Obi-Wan and just simply apologizing a million times over. Let him know that he really,  _truly,_ didn't mean to snap at him like that, that he was just angry...he still is...and just confused and hurt. That he's really  _really_ sorry for reacting violently and he'll make  _damn_ sure to control himself and his emotions from this point forward; as an example he'll control his guilt and resulting tears. 

His hand hovers over the keypad for a moment, lingering. 

_How pathetic can you **get?** And no, he doesn't want to see you. _

Oh no, not  _this_ again.

 _You hurt him. You made your Master afraid of you. Why would Obi-Wan want to be around **you,** of all people, considering what you just did to him, you dunce?! In fact...I bet he's going to report to the Council _ **_right now_ ** _to tell them all about that little stunt you just pulled._

No...

"No", he says aloud, not as steely as he would've liked, thanks to his voice deciding to quiver. "No", he repeats, this time with a nervous laugh. "H-he wouldn't do that. You don't know that. He'd  _never_ do that, he's my  _friend._ " 

The voice he hears barks out a laugh.  _Friend?! From what **I** saw, he was face-to-face with worse than Count Dooku! You sir, don't seem to know the difference between friend and foe. _

"You're wrong", he spits. "We're friends. Very good friends. Close to _brothers_ , maybe. He's very loyal to me, as I am to him. My Master would _never_ sell me off to the Council. Even if I told him about Padmé he wouldn't sell me out."

He stops short, realizing he's just uttered some of the stupidest words he's ever said in his life.

The voice in his head has been silenced. But he has a feeling it hasn't left. 

He can somewhat picture a shocked face belonging to it. And that's saying something, as he doesn't often picture things, much less facial expressions of imaginary voices talking to him inside the walls of his skull. 

He hesitantly lifts his mechanical hand to the keypad, but then...the voice starts chuckling.

It's soft and normal at first, and then gradually it turns into giggling...of the disturbing kind. And then...it starts laughing. It starts laughing _hysterically._  As if he had just told the funniest joke in the galaxy. Actually, hysterical is an understatement. If he were to describe the sound of this laughter, it would be... _chilling._ Crazy. Psychotic, sadistic, twisted.

_Awful._

Within a few moments, the crazed laughter subsides, and the voice resumes taunting him in its insane mirth. 

 _You...you **actually** think...that the man you just locked in a  **death-grip** with the Force not even five minutes ago...would actually  **defend** your great wrongdoing and let you be  **married?!?!** As in, not telling the Council of your great **error?!?! Especially** after what you've just  **done to him?!?!?!** WOW, desperate for **something** hopeful to cling to, are we?! You're no joke just grasping at straws here, ain't ya, Ani! _ The voice then collapses back into crazed hysteria.

Anakin forces himself to suppress a shudder at the echoing sound in his mind's hollow walls, but manages to quickly brush the creeps away, now infuriated with the sick sense of humor the voice finds in his rather thoughtless statement.

"Hey! What I said wasn't entirely true, alright?!", he protests. 

_The **hell** it wasn't!_

"But the point is, Obi-Wan wouldn't sell me out like that. I've...I've done worse..."

_Do you have any idea how insanely contradictory you sound right now? But what can I expect? You're practically trying to hold on to mere dirt and soil trying to avoid your inevitable drowning. You'll say anything to make me shut up and go away. You've never been the sharpest tool in the shed, to be completely honest. Always thinking with your cybernetic hand instead of using level-headed reasoning...how petty. I hate to break it to you cupcake, but your senseless babbling isn't going to make me leave. And what you've done to your poor old Master isn't going to go away either, honey bunches. But you wouldn't know that with your lack of brain cells, now would you? But anyway, I believe the jig is up, sonny Jim. You've screwed up bad. **Really** bad. He's definitely reporting to the Council right now. Smart one that fellow is..._

"I've done worse than this!", he shouts. "I've disobeyed orders and gotten out of control  _many_ times and he's  _still_ kept me around. I'm still here and I'm a Jedi _Knight,_ for kriff's sake!"

_Haha...not for much longer. You know, this is funny. Here you are defending your position as a member of the Jedi Order, yet you're livid with them for what they've done to your precious little Padawan. If anything, you should be **wanting** to walk out of the Order right now. You might be shed in a negative light now, but at least you'd no longer be associated with them anymore. _

Well...he couldn't exactly argue with that. Why exactly was he wanting to stay as a member of the Order considering what just went down over the course of two weeks? 

He may not really care about the Council...but Obi-Wan...he cared...deeply...about. He may feel betrayed and angry towards him...but not as much as Windu, Yoda, and the others. He was one of the only other Jedi that actually cared about his Padawan, and believed in her innocence. He had sensed that since that very night when Ahsoka had escaped into the underworld.

And what he did made him terrified, he guessed. Because if he had left...he'd lose someone else he'd hold dear. And right now, he couldn't handle another heartbreaking goodbye. Not when his heart was already in pieces. 

He'd also lose his reputation, his freedom, his ranks in the Order and the GAR...

Padmé...

He'd now lose everything. And all because he couldn't  _control himself._

_Your flaws and failures have finally caught up with you, sonny boy. It's a wonder they took this long. It might be because to them, you're just a living, breathing myth. Chosen One? Some joke, that one is. Hero with No Fear?! That couldn't be any more contradicting. Stupid. Thoughtless. Brainless. **LIES!** They're all  **LIES!!**_

The sudden change in tone startles him. Although all the stuff the voice said about the titles given to him by the Jedi and the general public are correct, it doesn't take away their sting. It doesn't sound any less cruel. 

Why is that?

_So what exactly makes you so special anyway? You got accepted in this place only because everyone believed you could be the key element of some phony ancient prophecy. Already proof enough you mean little to them, if not at all. You're selfish, arrogant, overly clingy, just to name a few things. Against the Code, if I may add. You're a scaredy cat when it comes to losing people, yet you **lose** them all the karking time, thanks to your...ahem..."mad skills", being completely ineffective. Talk about a bad reputation._

"Yeah. So I've heard", he sneers. "Tell me something I  _don't_ know."

 _Okay. I'll say it in question form, though. Why do you even stick around? Not in the Jedi Order, just in general. All you've done in your entire existence is fail, fail, fail, bother, bother, bother, screw up, screw up, screw up, screw up. Everyone believes you to be worthless, useless, and just all around a bother. You've frayed everyone's nerves so bad it's pretty much barely visible thread everyone's clinging to. You've finally pushed your old Master over the bridge, too. And don't even get me **started** on your Padawan. You know why she left you? Why she  **really** left you? I told you this last night when you had that heck of a fit last night, but I'll refresh your memory. You failed. You failed to spare her from that living hell she just went through. You should've known it would happen the second Tarkin requested her to come to Letta's cell. But you just couldn't realize that, you ignorant  **sleemo.** Aren't you supposed to have hindsight with the Force? Or did you shut that off permanently, like with the rest of the magnificent functions of the human brain? Your clones think your plans are just insane and suicidal; they think negatively of you. But it's just in their nature to follow orders. That's why they can't snitch on you. Poor things. I almost pity them. And that Naboo senator you call an angel from seventh heaven? Yeah, I pity her too. She's too sweet to just dump you to the curb. She's too nice to break away from your useless self. Kinda pathetic, but I pity her. _ 

Red is the only color he sees. This voice has crossed the line.

"You have messed", he's saying slowly, venomously. Then he's yelling out the next words with all the hatred he can muster, banging a hard fist on the wall for emphasis, "with the WRONG PERSON, AT THE WRONG TIME!" 

The voice merely chuckles.  _I'm not messing with you, I assure you. I'm stating reality, sweets. And since when has reality been kind to anybody? Huh? Name one person whom reality's decided to be Little Miss Nice Lady to. I'll wait._

_..._

_Okay, wait's over. All these people you may **think** actually, genuinely care about you...news flash, babycakes, they don't care! They're all  **through** with you. They have been for quite a while. Ahsoka was just lucky to get away when she had the chance._

He's silent. Doesn't move.

_Well? Go on then. Make some snarky comment about how you're right and I'm wrong and I'll politely excuse myself._

The voice doesn't get any response. Instead, tears roll down his eyes and his entire body shakes close to that of a feeble leaf on a tree.

_Awww...little twenty-two year old grown man crying like someone three times his junior over getting proven wrong. I thought you couldn't get any more pathetic, but I guess I was mistaken. No wonder you're thought of as immature._

His hand slips from the wall and flops back to his side.

_Uggghh...another sob fest I have to sit through, really? I really can't get a break with you. But what should I expect? No one else has gotten one. Guess I'm not an exception._

Taking in a shaky breath of air that he deprived his dear Master of, he leans against the wall, in front of the long charcoal-colored slash he made with his sapphire lightsaber not even twelve hours ago. He has one arm on top of the other, as if protecting himself from the heat of it. Or the slash itself. He doesn't know, nor does he have the ability to care in the slightest.

What he's not protected from is the sheer and cutting pain of Ahsoka leaving him. He's fully aware that he didn't protect her from  _any_ of this, and now he's got this cursed voice inside his head and several other deserved consequences along with it. He knows he deserves them.

Now he won't get to have any more adventures with her in the future. What future does he have without her? He won't have someone watching his back on the frontline anymore. They won't get to play that little game of theirs where they kept score of how many droids they destroyed anymore. He won't get to talk with her, confide in her, or banter with her ever again. He won't hear her laugh, see her smile, feel her infectious warmth and light, or have her by his side again.

And it was all because of  _him_ not knowing. 

* * *

  _"Stop calling me that!", Ahsoka snaps indignantly. Her expression turns smug as she waves a nagging finger at him. "You're stuck with me, **Skyguy.** "_

_Rex does a terrible job at stifling his giggles behind his General, covering his mouth as if that would help hide the obvious._

_It doesn't._

_"What did you just call me?", he asks, shocked. How dare this...girl, of like, fourteen standard years, disrespect and humiliate him in front of his second-in-command, and probably all the other clones around them. He can see two clones sharing glances and snickering in the corner of his eye._

_Well, this **youngling** will know that he's not going to put up with that. Especially here._

_"Don't get snippy with me, little one!", he snaps, pointing a finger at her in a scolding gesture, like a parent would do to a small child. "You know, I don't even think you're **old** enough to be a Padawan!"_

_"Well maybe I'm not!", she replies loftily. "But Master Yoda thinks I am."_

So this is how it's gonna go. Great.

 _"Well, you're not with Master Yoda now", he replies smoothly, trying to keep his patience with the snippy little brat in_ _front of him. "So if you're ready, you better start proving it."_

_She frowns indignantly, a total spoiled child look. He smiles to himself at the sight of it._

_"Captain Rex will show you how a little respect can go a long way", Anakin gestures to Rex, who has stopped his chortling completely now. He senses Rex wondering if this is his punishment for his inability to keep quiet when the youngling snapped at him._

It certainly is,  _Captain._

_That, and he needs a break from this kid already._

_Rex shifts uncomfortably and tries to play along, as though this is simply just a practice run or general protocol or whatever._

_"...err, right. Come on, youngling", Rex says awkwardly, leading the way._

_She reluctantly follows, mumbling a lofty "Padawan" while doing so._

* * *

And eventually, she  _did_ become a Padawan.  _His_ Padawan. Not only that, she became so much  _more_ than that.

A courageous leader. A brave fighter. A wise Jedi. 

A strong woman he was proud to call his partner. His best friend. His daughter. His sister.

His  _everything._

And she had left him and all of that behind.

* * *

_She **had** saved his life. She may have done it in a way that was reckless...nearly got him  **killed**...but she  **had** saved him the trouble from those droids._

_On top of that, they both just got rid of that blasted energy shield, despite her recklessness bringing some minor bumps along the road._

_She reminds him of his adolescent self, he realizes. He was more than a handful for Obi-Wan, as she was for him. But she did get the job done, regardless. Like he did all those other times before at her young age._

_Maybe he'd been a little too harsh on the kid. She was just trying to help out, despite bringing some little problems afoot._

_He sees her sitting on the edge of another endless plain of blue-green rock, slumped over, forearms on her knees, shame evident from her and the Force. She looks pitiful. She feels as though she screwed up and let him down. That she really wasn't ready, like he said._

_Yes, she has screwed up. But she hasn't let him down. Overall, they both did the job and gained the upper hand in this battle._

_...Wait..._

_Why does the idea of taking this young girl under his wing as his student suddenly feel like the right thing to do?_

_Why?_

_Well...despite the setbacks...there's some kind of **potential** he sees in her. She could have a bright future ahead of her. Maybe she could be one of the greatest Jedi in the galaxy's history, saving lives, defeating powerful foes..._

_And he thinks he wants to be a part of that. He thinks he wants to be the one to teach her._

_He takes a seat next to her._

Let's get this over with,  _he thinks._

_"You're reckless, little one", he finally says. Like him._

_"You never would've made it as Obi-Wan's Padawan", he adds._

_It seems to make her mood even more gloomy. But that couldn't be any more true. Obi-Wan barely survived with Anakin under his wing. He'd rather spare the old man death...by Ahsoka's behavior. If he thought raising his former Padawan was hell, he was certain it'd be worse with Ahsoka._

_If she needs a Master, she needs one to teach her, first of all, how to control that recklessness, instead of having someone constantly chastise her for it. She also needs someone who can teach her to be loyal to **people,** not to principles. Her mind is in that direction of thinking already, which is a good sign, he guesses._

_And she needs the similarity. Someone who shows their feelings instead of distance_ _, and telling their student to get rid of their emotions. She needs someone who can understand. She needs warmth, familiarity._

_So, being the nice guy that he is...he supposes he can take on that burden._

_"...but you might make it as mine", he says, looking up at her._

_Immediately her eyes open wide and she turns to look at him, shock written all over her face. But what contrasts to it is a small smile, full of hope._

_And they stare at each other like that for a few moments, a small smile spreading across his own face, her own small smile growing a little in response._

_Moments seem to turn into hours. Hours seem to turn into weeks. Weeks seem to stop time altogether. He's just gained a little girl and he's giving her a future with so much ahead of her, and now he's all warm and fuzzy inside. Overall it feels...nice._

_And he senses she feels the exact same way._

_"Come on", he gestures to the arriving cruiser kindly, making their bond official._

_He leads the way, Ahsoka quickly grabbing her pack and following in tow to the military cruiser to meet up with a few of his men._

_He's now her Master. And she's now his Padawan. He has to admit...the terms **do** have a nice ring to them._

* * *

 It seems the moment he first made her his student hurts the most.

What little did he know where the future would take them. Separate them forever.

And he can't, for the life of him, let go. It's not in his capability.

_Just like protecting her from that two-week nightmare wasn't, apparently._

Thanks, voice. I appreciate it.

_Heh. Just doing my job. Helping you see reality is what I'm here for._

The last of his tears have fallen. He can't cry anymore. He can't wallow in his guilt and self-pity anymore.

He feels...nothing.

_Heh. Irony. Isn't that the funniest thing. You feel nothing. You **are** nothing._

And that's entirely true.

He's only a worthless, useless, emotional wreck. A living, breathing, screw-up.

_Okay, can you can it with the sob story already? I've heard twelve times already and I'm getting really sick of hearing it. You've already been snitched on, so what's the point? You should start running...while you're still free to, of course._

"You don't know that", he says aloud, low, hollow. "You don't even know where he's at."

_You're right. I don't really know for sure. But would it hurt to have a look for yourself?_

His mind freezes for a moment.

_Would it **really** hurt to see for yourself?_

Curiosity peaks his interest as he hesitantly uses the Force to search for his former Master. In a few moments of reaching out through their bond, he succeeds in doing so.

To his utter horror.

His former Master has just entered the Council Chambers.

And he's coming to stand in front of all of the other members of it.

_Heeheeheeeee... **wowee,** would you look at  **that?!** Looks like I was right! He  **is** selling you out. Looks like you're not as valuable to him as you thought after all._

No...

No. No no  _please._ _Please_ let this not be real. Let this all just be a twisted dream please don't let  _any_ of this be real...

_I'm afraid that's not in my capability, honey. That, and this oughta be interesting to see. I better go grab the popcorn._

What will Padmé think of him now? How much will Ahsoka, who's probably living the life of a lowlife in the underworld homeless and alone, hate him now? What kind of reputation will his army have of him now? Will he still be the son he never had to the Chancellor?

_They're gonna hate you more than they already do, that's what, you goddamn idiot._

"Shut UP!", he shouts, banging both fists on the scarred wall. But he's not angry. Not at all.

He's beginning to  _panic._

_Oh! How could this slip my mind? You know what this reminds me of? You remember when you turned in Barriss, the **real** suspect of that dastardly bombing? He's kinda turning you in like you did her, except without the excess strangling and pushing every few steps. Ha! The irony. It's almost laughable._

"Shut up shut up SHUT UP!!", he barks, continuing to bang on the wall like a madman. 

Why was this voice so torturous? As if the actual ordeals he went through weren't bad enough.

_And when you choked Obi-Wan the way you did? It was almost like Barriss choking Letta to death and getting Ahsoka in the hot seat, don't you think? Ha! More irony! You know, you two have more in common than you think! You should be best buddies! Oh wait...I forgot...she's with everyone who'd rather die from fester lung before wasting their time with the likes of you. Shame._

He weaves his hands through his hair and pulls at it violently. Grits his teeth, squeezes his eyes closed tightly.

All his instincts scream at him to run for his life, fly away to a faraway plant and live in solitude for the remainder of his existence. But his body won't obey.

Instead his body trembles and his lungs struggle for air, a hard as rock lump once again blocking his windpipe.

His legs get him to stand with some effort, seeing as though they're literally jelly at this point. But he fights through it, taking one step towards the door, then another. 

His hand hovers over the door's keypad for a moment. His mind may be demanding him to kriffing  _move,_ but there's a little part of his conscious that is begging, pleading, for him to stop and think for a moment. To get some clarity for a second. 

But there's no time. He needs to move. 

And then...

He sees their faces. Everyone he has ever cared about. Their faces of disapproval. Of anger. 

Of betrayal.

He sees the look he saw on Obi-Wan's face not too long ago. Padmé's is pained and has a hint of resigned anger to it. It's extremely hard to blink away for some reason.

And Ahsoka's...

It fills him with so much heartbreak and guilt seeing the rage-filled face and contrasting tears. She doesn't even need to say words to tell him that he failed. He already knows. But...this is what he gets. What he deserves for failing. And it won't stop, no matter how bad he wants it to.

And then there's his mother.

Her face isn't the one of disapproval when he messed up as a child. In fact, he's never seen  _this_ face before. He wishes he'd never have.

His mother looks absolutely  _murderous._

And that's all it takes for his eyes to burn with unshed tears once again.

But he won't let them fall. Not in front of her. 

Not in front of all of  _them._

His mind has suddenly stopped its horrendous yelling. But he still remains on edge. This doesn't mean anything good.

He's right. It was so the voice taunting him earlier can say something.

It only says three words. And they are...

_You failed them._

And that's all it takes for him to fall to his side on the floor once more, curling in on himself like he did last night, sobbing what remains of his heart out, filling up what remains of his empty room. His failures and flaws have finally caught up with him. It's over. 

Useless.

Pathetic.

Worthless.

That's all he's ever been. And it took him this long to figure it out. He's really ignorant.

A bother.

Nothing. 

Denial is useless.

_There is no denying what is true, and what has transpired..._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feelz. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE AAAAAA!!!
> 
> But anyway guys, thanks for reading this sob story. You guys's kudos and comments mean the world to me. I really mean it, guys. This may not be one of the best TCW stories out here, but just the sheer fact that you guys leave kudos and comment after comment—a notice that you like to read this—which, let's face it, is just depressing right now—I just can't thank you enough.
> 
> Just a quick little spoiler for you geeks out there, because I'm feeling rather nice today...if you're one of those people wondering if Ahsoka will make an appearance here...like, an actual appearance, not a flashback or anything...the good news is that she WILL make her dramatic entrance! :D But the bad news is that it won't be until WAY later in the story, when everything key has been said and done. :( 
> 
> So...yeah.
> 
> Anyway...toodaloo! :D
> 
> P.S. I got two other stories out now, called Survive (which is a Batman Beyond fic, set in Return of the Joker), and I'll Be There For You (a Gunslinger Girl fic)...they have like 1 chapter each right now...but if you could check em out and tell me what you think, that would be fabulous. ;)


	6. *Will delete this later*

Hi guys! 

Wow...eight months since I last updated this...has it really been  _that_ long?! 

I'd like to apologize profusely to those of you who have read this story and have been waiting for an update. I'd also like to apologize for my lack of interest in continuing this story in these last few months. If there's one thing that I don't like, it's abandoning stories. I don't like to leave people hanging...not in _that_ way, at least. 

Originally, this story was supposed to have a bigger plot with a slow build that I figured I would create in a matter of time, though I didn't know how that was all going to work. Seeing this story now, I'm at the point where I don't really know if it should stay that way, or if I should leave it the way it is, considering my interest being lost. 

Don't get me wrong, I still love Star Wars, particularly the Clone Wars series, which is supposed to be coming back next year; that's got me so excited! XD That show has been a part of my life since I was a 9-10 year old kid, and I will always hold it and its characters close to my heart. I've just been getting into other fandoms lately, particularly the black hole known as anime, and writing a story on one of my favorites, _and_  getting too involved in yaoi, lol. I didn't forget about this one...how could I? This is my first story I've ever written, one written for such a widespread, loyal fandom. 

I can't really make a decision, so...I guess this is me passing off this question to you, the people who took the time to read these five chapters...what do you think I should do? Do you like the way this story is with just five chapters, or do you want me to keep going with my original plan, to make a story that I would make up as I went along?

I don't know when I'll delete this...hopefully soon. I'll provide another one of these 'updates' afterwards when I...or rather, you guys, share your thoughts. ;)

May the Force be with you, and have a great day/night! 

—HotTopic97 

 


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